Will Write For Food!!!

The Good Ol' Daze

2011-09-17T18:58:00.000-07:00

Nostalgia: A yearning for the past, often in idealized form.

It's hard to deny that in choosing to be a republican, one is also choosing be aligned with anti-intellectuals. religious, homo-phobic, anti-woman, perverts and angry, gun-toting, sociopaths hell bent on destroying even the most basic functions that make our society function. Add to this the cult of death status that the Tea-jadists earned in the last two debates and you've got an incredibly frightening minority of rich, white, religious zealots who, through their blind, political loyalty are well positioned to send Barack packing in a little over a year. It's frightening to think of President Perry, but BO and the Dems have asked for it by betraying the progressives in the party. BO, to anyone who was paying attention had never really declared himself to be a liberal or progressive. What he offered was an alternative to the typical rich, white dude in the 10K suit by being the rich, black dude in the 10K suit; that and he symbolized progress, even though he wasn't (and clearly still isn't) for it. Don't take my word for it; BO dug his own grave with progressives long ago with his Pontious Pilate routine concerning gay marriage, not to mention a few dozen other issues and one look at the people he was putting in charge of this nation's financial oversight apparatus', just after the election, was a dead give away that we were in for more of the same "pull yourself up by the bootstraps" mentality of the last 30 years.

But, BO isn't the problem here, nor necessarily are the republicans the rock in our shoes. What we, American's with fully developed frontal lobes, keep encountering in our struggle to move forward with civilization is a small, but well organized, minority of brutes in the electorate that have hunkered down and are waiting for either Jesus to show up again or for "Leave it to Beaver" to be on Prime-time TV. Most of them are my age, if not just a bit older; which means they are not old enough to truly remember the good old days that they are constantly pining for. These troglodytes are sticking to the notion that America was once a great nation, that did no wrong and everyone was always happy. They want to come home to the Eisenhower era ranch house after a long day at the Reagan era office. Well, the truth is that that America never existed; at least not for people of color, the poor, women, children or even dogs. That America was sponsoring oppressive tyrants all over the world, operating an apartheid system within its own borders and learning to consume this worlds resources at an exponential rate. At least this is America as the "enlightened" angry liberal side presents it in attacking the right. I think both sides are right and simultaneously dead wrong.

There is a third America that existed; the America that I remember reading about and am still inspired by; it is the America that I am pining for. The America that was coming to grips with it's oppression of people of color and began a long and often bloody struggle to get us on the path towards equality. It is the America that looked to the great strides that European nations had made in re-building their infrastructure after WWII and decided to build great roads and bridges that brought us closer as a nation and put people to work. It is the America that looked to the sky at night and wondered in awe at what the view might be like looking from the other direction. It is the America that decided that working men and woman deserved a living wage and that all children should have an opportunity for the best education in the world. It is the America of dreams and hope, not fear and distrust. It is not the America of cynicism or myth. It is not the America that belongs only to the powerful and rich. It is not the America of angry zealots or no-nothing nihilists. It is the pragmatic America that Jefferson imagined should run like a "great machine". As long as we have leaders that stand up only for powerful interests, economic alchemy and a tiny minority of nostalgic buffoons, that machine will never be great again.

The Rat Fuck Manifesto

2011-07-23T01:16:00.000-07:00

The Rat Fuck Manifesto (Click for link to LIVE performance)

From this point all bets are off: These are the terms of our unconditional surrender!

Mandatory medical marijuana to be delivered by buttoned-down assholes in Armani suits in 30 minutes or less.

Universal pizza coverage, but not from Dominos or Pizza Hut or Papa John’s; Chicago style, you know, the good stuff.

Rivers of beer that flow like wine from valleys of rum

Trees that grow Cheetos and Doritos and Tostitos and Banditos, Fritos and Chispitos.

Free slurpees for everyone!

From now on awkward, weird and smelly is the new tall, dark and handsome.

No mall will have less than 4 Gamestops, 3 comic book stores, 2 Chik-Fil-As and at least one dispensary.

No more health food stores, gyms, vitamin shoppes or healing centers; they’re for wimps anyways.

SUV drivers must wear shirts that read, “Yes, I have a small dick.”

Che Guevarra shirts can only be worn by those who can demonstrate an understanding of the difference between branding and populism.

Men can only wear sandals on the beach! Without jeans! and for fuck-sake take off that Ed Hardy shirt you look like a rainbow with a hangover puked all over you!

Women may wear sandals wherever they like, provided they have pedicures (sorry ladies, the foot-fetish committee demands we put this one in).

Reality TV is hereby abolished and replaced with reality!

Social networking is to be replaced with networking socially.

Justin Beiber, Sarah Palin, Tom Cruise, Martha Stewart, Donald Trump YOU are all hereby banished and take Snookie, whoever the fuck that is, with you!

All butch-like, brutish sports are hereby abolished.

Halo will be our nation’s new past-time.

Goodbye 24 hour news cycle

Hello 24 hour porn cycle.

Money used for wars now goes towards opening the first Krispy Kreme on the moon.

No more end of the world prophecies, from now on we stick to our regularly scheduled Mayan apocalypse.

The immediate creation of a national “The Shoe is on the Other Foot Program”

Whoever wants to get married can, except for fundamentalist Christians

Supporting Our Troops will take a back seat to Sustaining Our Scholars.

Tree-hugging, long haired, vegan, hippie, peaceniks are required to “Cowboy UP!”

Deep frying, backwoods, NASCAR and backyard barbeque, mouth breathers are required “mellow out man.”

Minutemen are to be deported immediately

Global warming deniers are to be relocated to the nearest igloo.

Misogynists – you’re going to have to share your true feelings with us.

Feminists – Oh my God! We’re going shopping!

Communists made to consume

Corporatists made to commune

Creationists made to Evolve

Evolutionists made to create

Protestors will police policemen

Policemen will protest protestors

The dog will live with the cat

The cat with the canary

The canary with the worm!

The national bird is now a ghetto pigeon.

The purple mountains majesty is now a dark uninviting alley.

The rocket’s red glare will be replaced by the reflective glow of black light from a bong.

Yes, our flag will still be there, but it will have orange stars, pink hearts, yellow moons, green clovers, blue diamonds and rainbow stripes.

Apple pie will only be as American as Arroz con Pollo.

And they can have their Plymouth Rock, we got Aztlan, ese!

Down with corporate America; except for CostCo (It’s cheaper to buy in bulk).

Up with Democracy; except for voting (most people just aren’t well informed)

Long live the worker; except for those fuckers at the DMV (Just drawing a paycheck aren’t ya?)

All Power to the People; except the ones that disagree with us (by the way, please see a representative about your membership dues, immediately).

Down with tyranny and oppression; except when there’s something in it for us (especially when we can get away with it)

Love thy neighbor; except that asshole down the street who won’t clean his front yard (his wife’s kinda’ hot though)

Here we stand!

Fists in the air!

Fire in our bellies!

Blood in our eyes!

So say we all:

The United (mostly) Rat Fucks of the World!

Scroll to bottom of page to see TRFM performed live at The LAst Bookstore!

Like Sunshine and Rain

2011-05-05T06:52:00.001-07:00

Let me get this out in the open first: I did not know that bin laden was fish food until the day after it happened. Pardon my ignorance, but the regularly schedule program was boring and I desperately needed to catch up on Californication. The following morning I saw the headline in the hands of a fella who was waiting for his five dollar foot long and YES I gave him a high five. This was a visceral reaction to an event that was important for me to put closure to, because I, like the rest of the country and most of the world had been traumatized over a decade ago and been unable to process it to it's conclusion. In other words, YES, I was happy the fucker was finally dead. In retrospect, not my finest moment. I should have reflected upon his death and unlike that dickhead, the Dalai Lama, forgiven and forgotten. Fear not, dear reader, unlike his holiness, I have not gone reactionary or lost my fucking mind like those assholes at Faux Gnewz (welcome to Bizarro World).

Speaking of bad decisions, we should never have designated this operation codename: "Geronimo." Yes, that was totally insensitive, not to mention ignorant of historical facts and Yes totally racist. Geronimo was the name of a brave Apache warrior who fought against U.S and Mexican expansion, was betrayed by those who captured him, as well as, a handful of his own troops and ultimately denounced his decision to surrender to the duplicitous white devil. OBL was a spoiled, rich, dickhead. who brainwashed his followers into committing mass murder, told them to live in caves while he lived it up in a million dollar mansion until he was killed and (allegedly: see my post) spent his last moments, hiding behind his old lady. They had nothing in common except that both of them pissed off whitey to the point that thousands of people died in the process of their pursuit. The next time we go after the world's most notorious terrorist (anyone who lived through Abu-Nidal knows there will be) we'll call it operation "Crush the Cracker" and then we'll be square.

OBL was a bad dude; no doubt. He went ape shit, because of his devotion to a backwards-assed religion (as they all are, in my humble opinion). He decided that human beings suck so bad, that 3 thousand of them should die in a single blow. But, let's also remember that Saddam was far worse. He killed hundreds of thousands over decades and that doesn't include the torture or the war vs Iran that he started (reportedly). I don't recall anyone outside of Iraq dancing in the street to his death. Over 300K died on the command of Harry Truman and people didn't take to the streets in ticker tape parades to celebrate those deaths (they celebrated the end of a horrible war). So, why would Americans, who so vehemently decried the celebration, in parts of the Middle East, of the fall of the twin towers in 01', take to the streets (and the net) to espouse their love for the grim reaper's work? I believe that the celebrations we saw post OBL were nothing more than a brief sigh of relief. That's it!

Just as my first reaction was to high five a stranger a couple days ago, so was my reaction to stare into a stranger's eyes, longing for consolation the morning of September 11th. Many of us felt that we were connected to an event that made us feel hopeless, unable to control our own destiny and terrified of what was around every corner on that day and our confusion led us to a place where we did some weird shit. That's it. That's all there is to it. We aren't evil. We don't love death. We aren't being racist or depraved, homicidal, predators. We are a people who were pushed under for a long time and now we have come up for air.

We've spent ten years walking this earth like heavily-armed, zombies; unsure of who the enemy really is and only knowing that hunger burns in our bellies. A hunger that has driven us to turn on each other when the brains have holed up in a shopping mall. Now, all of a sudden, things are different. We're baaaaack! This is a good thing and quite frankly if it means dopey college kids do the running man at Ground Zero, I can't blame them. They're doing what dopey college kids do; look for excuses to party and avoid using the left sides of their brains. As for myself, I'd like to say that I was enlightened enough to have suppressed the urge to chant USA! USA! USA! But, the truth is, I haven't felt like chanting that since we elected our first black president and I can't think of when the last time before that was; maybe around the same time I was young and dumb enough to not understand the difference between joy and pain.

I duhman Pikchurs/ DENIED!

2011-05-05T06:52:00.000-07:00

Osama bin dead for about three days now and without hesitation the conspiracy theories and rumors about how, if and when he "really" died, hit the web. After the celebrating (see my second OBL post), the web was aflutter with wild speculation about how the mission had to be a lie; merely an attempt by the government to fool us all into believing that the world's most wanted terrorist had finally met his demise. No one can explain why the government would go through the trouble of doing this, of course, just like they can't explain why there would be a second gunman on the grassy knoll or how the thousands of NASA workers involved in the moon landing could keep a secret for so long, but then conspiracy buffs don't need reason. All that one needs to believe a conspiracy is a belief that a conspiracy exists; no evidence of Obama's birth place will ever satiate the desire of birthers, just as no pictures of Osama's corpse will ever convince these kooks that the boogeyman is now fish food.

A few months ago I posted a blog about the Wikileaks matter and I think I made a reasonable defense of Jullian Assange and why I thought what he and Bradley Manning did was good for Democracy. What I got was an unexpected reaction by people who thought that Wikileaks was just another campaign by the government to dis-inform the American public. I can't tell you how livid this made me! The idea that a private citizen can freely go on a website and look at hundreds of thousands of previously undisclosed government documents is unprecedented in American history and still there were people out there that without reason, logic or study dismissed, in the blink of an eye, this treasure trove of insight into how the government works, as bunch of malarkey. LIVID!

And now we have people dismissing the reported death of Bin Laden, because they can't see videos of the mission as it takes place, or pictures of the corpse or whatever it is that will personally appease their cynicism. Now that the administration has decided not to show the pictures of the century, I suppose the conspiracy theorists will stop taking their meds and, just to see how far their babble will take them before they end up rocking in a puddle of their own piss, inside a padded cell, take to conjuring up stories of imaginary "photoshoped" pictures and evil cabals within the NSA that trace their origins back to Skull and Bones. Take note, those of you who want to propagate incendiary lies based on conjecture and a lack of information, as of recently, all that conspiracy BS hasn't gone very well for certain people. Not to cast stones, but it's a bad time to have a name that rhymes with chump.

To those kooks, I say: don't bemoan the lack of closure you feel; the rest of us are satisfied. Don't complain that you don't have enough evidence to satisfy your curiosity; the fucker is dead, that's good enough for everyone else. Don't try to lend your crazy theories any credibility by arguing that your sources are solid, fascinating and well documented on the internet; so is German schizer porn. Don't try to convince us that all you need is a video of the assault team in action; an MP3 of OBL's death rattle, a picture of the SEAL team standing naked over the corpse with a half dozen dwarfs in Elmo suits on unicycles, playing banjos as the Blue Angels do a fly-by; we all know there isn't a damn shred of evidence that will make you drop your agenda.

To our government apparatchiks I say, simply, Julian Assange, True Majority, Amnesty International et. al. will not rest until the shit, that has hit the fan, has been swept off the parade ground.

As for me, I have only have 3 reasonable questions:
1: How is that OBL hung out, eating hummus, listening to Bob Seger albums for 30 minutes as a firefight raged in his living room; then the minute a half dozen heavily armed, bad-asses stormed into his bedroom, that was the moment he decided to reach for a piece?
2. Dude, had a million dollar compound and he didn't have a "safe" room "where the magic happens"? Even those fools on Cribs got that shit. Even Saddam had a spider hole. Jesus, he's an infamous terrorist, that evaded the 10th Mountain Division in Tora Bora for over a year and he didn't have enough sense to build an escape tunnel? What? They don't have Hogan's Heroes or Jodi Foster films in Pakistan?
3. If the president and his cabinet et. al. had access to a direct video feed of the operation, including second by second accounts into every turn of action (I can only imagine that what they were seeing looked like an Xbox game), how is it that the first accounts of what happened to OBL were completely dismissed the very next day as incorrect? He initially was reported to have gone down in a blaze of glory like he was a villain in a Chuck Norris flick; complete with a mansion full of bodyguards, a female human shield, firing off rounds until the bitter end. The very next day, we were informed that, that was all bullshit and dude was unarmed when he got capped and the woman with him was actually trying to protect him and got shot in the leg for her troubles.

In any case, I'm willing to forget these silly questions, now that we finally have a president that keeps his campaign promises concerning the war on terror (or any campaign promises for that matter) . If only we can get him to keep his promise to make our government more transparent, maybe bin laden conspiracy theorists will be relegated to that place where Larouchies, birthers and people who believe the moon is made of cheese end up; irrelevant and denied anything but a footnote in history.

The Rich Will Taste Delicious

2011-04-15T03:50:00.000-07:00

I watched this show called "Undercover Boss" and for those who haven't seen it, it's a reality show where they take some rich fuck that runs a company and ignores his employees then they disguise him and plop him down on the shop floor with the great unwashed morlocks that sweat so that he can take month long vacations in Fiji twice a year. Apparently, this recycled Daddy Warbucks rich, middle-aged, white dude with a golden heart narrative is all the rage these days. Whereas, we used to be invited into the world of the "rich-as-extravagant" (IE. "Cribs") or the "rich-as-spoiled-giggling-twats" (IE. Paris Hilton), the Hollywood junk pushers are trying to convince us that rich folk are warm hearted, generous to a fault, easy to relate to and just like anyone else. Personally, I liked it better when they lived in gated communities and drove around in cars with smoked windows. The final straw for me is a remake of Arthur staring Russell Brand. The last thing I want is a remake of one of my favorite movies where Arthur goes from being a guy who doesn't care about money to being a guy who is desperate to keep his wealth. It's just to close to the truth, except of course in real life rich, greedy bastards will throw you and your newborn out of your home and let your ailing 80 year old mother starve to death before going without. Brand's Arthur is, according to the synopsis I read, hard up to hang on to his wealth and ends up doing all kinds of wacky things to do it. *UGH*
There is an incredible amount of talk about class warfare these days. Of course, it is only worthy to comment on it when it's a poor person, a union worker or an average schmuck complaining about how one-sided the distribution of wealth has become in this country. It is now known that only 400 families in this country own as much wealth as the lowest 155 million of us. If you ask me this country has been in a state of perpetual class warfare and the great herd have been under siege since well before Annie was living the hard knock life. This inability to see ourselves as victims or targets may be a social phenomenon, but I believe that it is the effective use of propaganda used by those in power since the time of the great labor struggles in this country, that is responsible for how blind we are to the simplest and most basic need of most species in the animal kingdom; Self-fucking-preservation. Look back to the 20s and 30s and you will see how these class struggles played out the same way they do now and it's no coincidence that those struggles coincide with the birth of the PR industry (Don't take my word for it; look up Edward Bernays or what Chomsky referred to as, "The Mohawk Valley Formula"). Americans are convinced that we, who are not filthy rich at the moment, have a pretty good shot at it and that it is only a matter of time before we hit the lottery, inherit an estate or find a leprechauns pot-o-gold at the end of a rainbow. If there is one message the middle class in this country should be bombarded with daily it is that, we have absolutely nothing in common with Trump, Gates, Buffet, the Kochs (evil fucking bastards if ever there were any; Bond villain evil)or Hilton and as such,we need to start looking out for our own interests. This is, of course, not likely as long as we are drawn to shows about hicks getting rich off of digging for gold in Alaska or buying storage units that were abandoned by people who couldn't afford them any longer. GET A CLUE! You have a better chance of getting hit on the head by a meteor than becoming a millionaire, billionaire or even a hundred-thousandaire for that matter. The people who control wealth in this country know it and have used your delusion against you for decades! Now if only there were some way to get this message across to people; a vehicle by which to inspire thoughtful democratic dialogue, promote a genuine sense of social responsibility and awareness of good old fashioned American egalitarian values. Hmmm, I wonder? How'd they do it Tunisia and Egypt?

These are the Terms of Your Unconditional Surrender

2011-01-11T13:20:00.000-08:00

I know this is not the best time to say this, but you reap what you sow. There's a nine year old and a federal judge dead (among others) nearly a dozen wounded and a congresswoman whose life is forever changed by the violence that the right wing in this country has been cheerleading for since well before GW was tooting cocaine off a stripper's ass in Texas. There has been so much talk about "who is to blame", "rhetoric", etc. I know that when Gabrielle Giffords recovers,(I have faith in medical science that she will) she will, no doubt, say that neither Republicans or their wacko cheerleading squad had anything to do with it; that this tragedy happened because of a lone, deranged individual. She is, after all, a politician and one from Arizona where you have to be pro-gun regardless of political affiliation or personal belief, if you want to be elected.
Personally, I think the blame for this is at the feet of US ALL. Whether you believe that Milton Friedman's face belongs on Mt. Rushmore or that we should all be riding bicycles to work, makes no difference. It is US who created, allowed or otherwise turned a blind eye to the Culture of Fear* that is prevalent in our society. We The People have stuck it in and broken it off in ourselves; gruesome I know, but let's stop with the denial.
We refused to sit down like normal adults and discuss the repercussions of letting "The Gipper" decide to empty out the mental institutions long ago. We argue the constitution instead of reason, safety and the building of a better society when we talk about gun control. We allow politicians to rant about the evils of government, while ignoring that most of those fuckers make an assload of money as public servants. We point our fingers at each other, instead of giving the finger to the individuals who try to convince us that safety and security is a question of what numbers you punch on a ballot.
There is no logic in continuing the debate of Left V. Right. I see nothing but more of the same in our future. Here is my only solution and it is not open to negotiation, addendum or revision:
From now on, instead of political identities, we split up into groups of those who want to evolve and those who want to stay stupid. That simple.
Forget the constitution, ignore the rule of law, throw out the instruction manual:
Those who want to live in peace, progress and unfettered liberty; those who are truly tolerant of gays, women, minorities, the poor; who believe in logic, reason, science, art, intellectualism; who think people are good, reasonable, empathic, sane; those who don't want myths, half truths and fear to determine how our society will face challenges; those who want clean air, water and land; who want well funded educational, societal welfare, medical, public safety, art and literacy programs; those who don't believe that it is the end of the world, but even if it was we aren't going down without a fight; those of you who believe that violence and the language of violence only leads to more violence; those of you who believe these things, please stay calm, don't panic and please stay exactly where you are. The rest of you motherfuckers, GRAB YOUR SHIT AND GET THE FUCK OUT!
We're going to treat this country like a shitty marriage from now on: You don't want to be here? Get the fuck out! You think somebody is going to hurt you? Get the fuck out! You think you're being lied to? Get the fuck out! You believe that you're being sold out? Get the fuck out! You think the Chinese girl down the street is hotter than you and you're going to whine about being replaced instead of going to the mall, getting your hair done and picking up a sexy nightie at Vicki Secrets? Get the fuck out!
Grab your AR-15, your Hummer, your home schooled little freaks, deep fryer, bible, power boat, 4-wheeler, Harley Davidson and whatever else you think someone is going to come along and pry from your cold dead hands and Please ... Get The Fuck OUT!

*Read Barry Glassner book of the same title for added thrills.

"He who controls the present, controls the past. He who controls the past, controls the future." -- George Orwell

2010-12-12T12:52:00.000-08:00

It's never easy crossing into conspiracy theorist territory, but I think in the case of Julian Assange and Wikileaks I'm willing to suspend my usual cynicism and disbelief that evil forces are at work trying to destroy the forces of good. Whatever you think of this whole debacle I would suggest that it is not cause for hanging traitors, hunting down tattle-tales or preparing for Armageddon.
This is like when a magician reveals the secrets of the illusion. There is always a group of magicians that whine and bitch about the integrity of the art being irrevocably altered. This first group is like the bunch of thieving rats in Washington that are bemoaning the "attack" by "terrorist hackers". The second group of magician accepts that the cat is out of the bag and move on to design bigger and more bad ass tricks, like Chris Angel does. These magicians are similar to the second group of politicians that are standing up for Assange and calling for a re-evaluation of our foreign policy, like Ron Paul. Okay, I just praised Chris Angel and Ron Paul in the same paragraph, something is seriously amiss.
Accusing Assange or PFC Bradley Manning, the real hero/traitor/pain-in-the-ass in all of this, is pointless. Pandora's box is now open for business and in fact, no one should be surprised that diplomacy is a slippery slope filled with preening ambassadors, two-faced backstabbing on a global scale and suitcases filled with millions of dollars. We can't do anything about what's in these cables except apologize for having our ambassadors and such make honest assessments about the world we live in. What excites me, however, as what we have the potential to learn about the process of negotiating with foreign countries. Not the give and take of it all. Something far more valuable for the future of democracy.
This is a treasure trove of information that we would never have access to any other way. No FOI request would ever reveal half of what we are getting from these cables. There are no black redaction lines on the paper, no filters, no court battles; this is how it's supposed to be! Security experts have for years warned the U.S. of the folly of trying to hide all of it's secrets in the information age. We have allowed the government to create within itself an environment where the individuals in charge of looking out for the public trust, insulate themselves and let their guard down. This is a recipe for disaster and we should probably be thankful that we haven't seen anything worse than AhMADdinejad calling us conspirators (seriously, dude, you need to come up with fresh material).
The real reason, I believe, for the uproar is that future generations will use this information when writing the historical narrative of the United States. These cables go back to 1966. That means that 50, 75 or 100 years from now when all the nearly 400k cables have been analyzed, put into proper context and weighed for their importance by scholars and compared and contrasted to what other information is available to the world about the times that we live in, what we believe about our country today will probably make us the laughing stock of future generations of Americans. The narrative is no longer under the control of elites, it has been open-sourced, the curtain pulled back and the old lies are no longer convenient to anyone.
This, in my humble opinion, is a good thing. No one likes it when we, as a country, suck. Personally, I hate it. The truth is we do a lot of shady things throughout the world to keep the lights on at home. But at least now maybe, just maybe, we can teach future generations something about democracy that no other civilization before us was able to convey; that democracy must be transparent, otherwise it's nothing but a bad magic trick. I just wonder when the "Free Julian" shirts are going to hit the market, because I'll be the first in line.

Minorities?

2010-11-18T00:35:00.001-08:00

I know, I know, everybody is bummed out over the election. The world is coming to an end, the dream is over and so much for change, hope and all the other bullshit we were promised. Look, the problem is we have a two party system; plain and simple, just like that. There is the corporate fuckface party and the corporate fuckface party lite. The structure is not about to cave in to a bunch of dirty ex-hippies, brown people and other undesirables. We are the great unwashed, the massive herd and as Bill Maher pointed out this week, on his show, the electorate is a dumb dog that responds only to intonation and fear.
Now, the good news: The Republicans won by small margins across the board, mostly in traditionally Red places and the overwhelming majority of PROGRESSIVE Dems held on to their seats. The reality is the voters that came out a couple of years ago told the Dems to get bent this time around and let's face it they had good reason. If you were gay you were pissed off about DADT and marriage, Latinos were pissed about immigration, middle aged white folk panicked over jobs and young people weren't really pissed just too stoned to remember to come out and vote for prop 19 (seriously, where were you guys?). Basically, everybody had something to gripe about so we all stayed home. The problem with not going to the polls and supporting the Dems is that now we have two years to look forward to where government will not only fuck us ALL over, it will do it very slowly and clumsily. I think that the next two years of the Obama presidency will make the Clinton years look like the Carter era. Fear, paranoia and hatred are in the forecast and we have only ourselves to blame; we punished the Dems thinking they will listen now, but the Dems take their defeats as a signal that they have to move further right every time. We have shown the establishment what can happen when Blacks, Latinos, women, gays, progressives, smart people and stoners get together. The problem is we backed a gelding instead of a stallion. Obama may win re-election if he stops acting like the dumb kid in eighth grade that ate his own boogers at lunch, hoping to make friends with the bullies. Maybe in 2012, we'll get a president that has a set; RUN HILLARY RUN!

How To Just Say NO to Teabagging

2010-06-30T13:53:00.000-07:00

It's official, I'm a professional class writer now and have the credentials to back it up! I'm back to being unemployed, but at least I have a nice new diploma hanging on my wall and as a result of my new-found, free time, I've spent some time out and about and I've been approached by a couple of Teabaggers to join their group of like-minded delusional honkys. Don't ask me why these creeps think I'm the kind of dude that would join them, although one of them did point out that the "destroy corporate America" sticker on my laptop echoed his very own sentiments towards America Inc. which, just goes to show how completely uninformed those knuckleheads truly are about their own "movement."
The first time I was approached to join up I was firm, but fair. I simply said, "absolutely not" and "not a chance" and "Not interested." The dude was persistent, that's why I had to say NO 3 different ways and he didn't stop pushing until I flipped him off and mouthed, "FUCK OFF" at him. Don't feel bad for him, he's the asshole who forgot to switch on his hearing aid.
Now the second time I was approached it came on the tail end of a long discourse about why Tony "Soprano" Hayward should not be in front of Congress explaining himself to the American people for his role in the greatest Eco-disaster of all time. The idiot turned to me and asked, "So, do you think that you ..." and he didn't get much farther than that, because I nearly passed out from the blood rushing to my head and ended up stumbling out of the Starbux and sitting in my car in the parking lot for 15 minutes hitting the dashboard and rubbing my chest. Fortunately, the paramedics didn't need to be called and the policeman that drove by only glanced my way and must have decided that he didn't want to deal with the paperwork.
So, as I explained, I've got plenty of free time and I've decided that there is a huge enclave of rich, white, republicans in the SouthBay that are out to bring more imbeciles into their "Don't Tread On Me," "Obama is a socialist," "Sarah Palin would totally fuck me," "Hand me my musket and triangle hat," delusional, fun-house world.

I must be prepared. We must be prepared.

So, I've put together a little shpeal to use on those agents of evil and I've decided that for the good of humankind, I'm going to open source it and you don't even have to give me credit for the eloquent way you are going to publicly insult those fuckers. Oh, that reminds me, don't tell the prosecutors or the judge where you got it from either, as this is very likely to land you in the pokey, if you say it with enough passion. And it goes a little something like this:

Sir (or Mam)
I believe that reasonable human beings only fear the end of times when people like you are given power and not solely because a black man is democratically elected to lead our nation. I think that the problems our world and our country face must be addressed through calmed reason, logical thought, devoid of political, social and economic agendas. I think that you and your ilk are the greatest threat to civilization that has existed since the rise of European Fascism and that may be giving you too much credit, but nobody thought those little beer-hall rants were going to lead to anything either. I believe that America is indeed the greatest country in the world and what has made it so, is that we give the poor, the tired and the hungry a chance to become the empowered, the educated and the productive.
I know that your ultimate goal is a revolution in this country, at least that's what your slogan, "a revolution is brewin'" implies. I seriously doubt that any of you know the hardship and pain that follows a revolution; lives turned upside down and families split apart all in the name of progress. Your "revolution" is not about progress, it's far too centered on a nostalgic return to simpler times. Times when Blacks hopelessly forced to the back of the bus, Mexican's toiled, far out of sight, in the fields, women gave themselves abortions in the family kitchen, gays were beaten with impunity into their closets and "white only" signs hung in every boardroom and corner of congress. That is the revolution you want and I think it's only fair to warn you and the others, that it is a revolution you will lose.
I am the product of the more than 50 year fight against your oppression and hatred of people who are different from you. I will not go quietly and I will fight to the death to keep you from pushing the indignities on to my son that you forced on to me.
So go now, find something more constructive to do with your golden years; go back to your golf game, volunteer in a cancer ward or try to get right with your god before your light fades away and you are left in the cosmic darkness you crave so badly for all of us. All that said, I respectfully decline to join your organization, not with a simple no; but with a very loud and clear HELL NO!

See. Nothing to it.

Into the Breach Once More

2010-03-28T00:30:00.000-07:00

I have neglected my poor blog. But, not my writing.
I have just a couple of months left before I will be done with my MFA. It is so good to be almost done! TAing is a different experience. I like molding the young minds of future psychos (Long Shall We March!). I can see doing it in my future because it is rock star to have kids come up to you and say you are the coolest teacher they've ever had.
After having dedicated the last 4 years to the writing thing, I think I'm at a point where I've developed the drive and can say I have the developed the skills to give this professional writing thing a go.
For those with background in such things, here is the life of a pro writer as I know it:

First, you have limited choices and unfortunately many of them will be predetermined for you anyhow, so no need to fret over them; that's the good news.
It would appear that the world of the writer is far more complex than the average Joe might think. Let me dispel the first and biggest myth:

Writers do not make money.
We are artists and like all artists there are those that wipe their asses with cold hard cash and those that can't afford asses.
Most supplement their incomes by teaching; these are not always the most badass among us, but they certainly don't get the credit they deserve.
Many of us make it because of our benefactors and those who believe in our work; Sadly, there are too few these days who believe The Arts must be supported above all other things, but their contributions are invaluable; their example thankfully ignores pragmatism and they keep our Art from totally dying. Then there are whores who take and take and take and deserve to be fed to hungry wolves.
Ultimately, writers are the masters of our own universe and that's because we live in our heads. That's about the only great thing about being a writer; getting to live off grid. Most people toil and crack their sinews and hate the lives they lead. Most can't stand getting up in the morning and deal with their stress in unhealthy ways. My life is a constant roll of the dice; I like it this way, not for the gamble; the expectation of rolling a hard six. I like it this way, because it's as close as I can get to being a bum without being homeless. That's not to say writers don't work. I put in at least 4 hours a day of writing. Yes, I know, most of you out there work 8, 10 , 12 hours days and still can't pay your bills. But, at the end of 4 hours my brain hurts; No, really it fucking hurts.
It's almost over now and I'll have to see what the future brings. Things are pretty shitty in our economy and the last thing anyone gives a shit about is buying books written by shitheads. But, me, I'll be glad when I'm done. Unemployed or not; with or without a contract with a publishing house; regardless of having an agent or a production deal; this is what I will do until I die. Or until I open a bar.

Hollywood Goes Native

2009-12-22T13:28:00.000-08:00

A reviewer from "Mail Online" called it Dances with Smurfs. I've read a lot of commentaries in the past few days concerning Avatar; people taking shots at James Cameron; complaining about everything from how expensive the film is, to how flimsy and cliche' the story is. I think that there are many valid points to be made about what's bad about the film; cliche', sure; flimsy plot line, OK; $450 mil production costs, that's the producers problem not yours; this is the most visually stunning film since LOTR; money well spent says my artistic sensibilities. But, the commentary about how racist the film is, is too much even for my radical ass.
The criticism goes like this; you've got a white, male protagonist who goes "native", hooks up with the tribe's princess and becomes the "great white hope," saving all the natives from the evil that is upon them. There is some discussion as to whether this film is just another white fantasy flick, in which centuries of oppression are dealt with by placing a white person, in the role of savior to an entire race or tribe, such as in Dances With Wolves. I agree that there are many similarities and it is valid to ask the question, "why another white male in the position of hero and savior to an indigenous population, when there is clearly no basis in reality for such a role"; history has white folk pegged as oppressors (sorry, take it up with your ancestors not me).
Now, to clarify, I understand where the criticism is coming from and certainly some of it is quite valid in many ways; but this is Science Fiction, people! It's not supposed to reflect reality.
Calling Avatar another example of Hollywood's racist agenda is not seeing the forest for the trees. First off, our white, male protagonist is not just a white dude; he's white, yes, but he's also a vet, disabled and he's poor. Except for Coming Home (1978) I don't recall ever seeing a protagonist that hit all three of these diverse categories of "shit out of luck." This, my friends, is diversity and insisting that since he's white the character is not fit for the role of hero to these people, is denying these other facts concerning the character and makes me wonder why they would be ignored in the first place by some of these critics.
The women in this film are all in powerful roles. Sigourney Weaver is a ball busting, brilliant scientist (smartest person in the film) and I should point out that the character, like the actress, is pushing 70; lest we forget that diversity also applies to age. Zoe Saldana as the leader of these aliens (actually she becomes leader later in the film, sorry about the spoiler, but it becomes obvious early on she's going to take charge anyways) is a courageous warrior, who holds her own against the males in her tribe. She doesn't fall for "avatar", Jake Sully, preferring to keep their relationship professional, until of course the two fall in love, which by my observation is a mutual affair (no rape, force or clubbing and dragging into a cave takes place). She is fierce, intelligent and deeply spiritual; another trifecta of shit women are not supposed to be in films. Lastly, Michelle Rodriguez's character, our fourth hero (notice: three heroic figures out of four are female) and clearly a woman of color; sacrifices herself in an incredibly valiant and unselfish act and not to mention is the only character on screen during a battle scene to reject violence and turns her back on the horror she sees. She is also, incidentally, the savior of this film, without her, forget the third act.
OK, so here we have it. Let's get this out in the open. As an aspiring film maker, screenwriter, what have you, I have a little bit of insight into how the system works and let me assure you that Hollywood only gives a fuck about one color; GREEN! They don't give a shit about our color, age, religion, political beliefs, struggles or whether you like Asian lady-boys for breakfast. They want your ass in the seat and they want you to bring a couple of friends and this movie is proof of that. 77 mil last week and 75 this week; guess what? It's a blockbuster and there is no denying that regardless of the criticisms it's going to go down in history as a smashing success and that is all that Hollywood gives a shit about. Everything else is incidental and instead of criticizing Cameron for the white male protagonist we should be recognizing him for getting a diversity of characters in positive roles.
Still not convinced? Well, then let me ask you this; the evil, racist, antagonists who were trying to destroy the natives without any consideration for their humanity, who were solely on the planet for the purpose of destroying everything in their paths and depriving the natives of any share of the wealth they were entitled to, weren't they rich, powerful, white males?
I think the only ones who should be bitching about this film's portrayal of power, gender and racial roles are those assholes on FOX and talk radio. Considering they have all but ignored this movie means they are either not going to the movies these days or our side is winning.

Terrorist Attack

2009-11-09T00:39:00.000-08:00

I've spent the last two hours cruising the net reading up on the Fort Hood tragedy. So, I'm trying to discern whether this is just the story of some degenerate that can't deal with life who goes out and kills people or if he's a terrorist hell bent on destroying our way of life; apparently those are my two choices. And I come across this picture on the web. It's the type of gun he used. It's made by a company named Herstal owned by the Herstal group of Belgium. They have been making weapons since 1889 and their current client list includes NATO. Apparently they have a real hard on for death or at least for helping Americans and crazed clients worldwide quench their thirst for violence.

Americans own 2 million guns and according to the Guardian UK the FBI has been sifting through 7 million more applications, like the one Army Major Nidal Malik Hasan received, since Obama became president. This soldier, who by some accounts was so gentle he fed a pet bird from his own mouth and suffered racial slurs throughout his career in the army, is now the central figure in this terrible tragedy. The media has associated him with the Sept. 11th bombers. His religious views, which some are saying accounts for his opposition to the illegal wars we are still engaged in a year after we were promised CHANGE, are the focus of media reports that tell us a witness heard him yell, "god is great" in Arabic. And now Joe Lieberman, who has lost his fucking mind at this point, wants congress to investigate and decide on whether or not this incident could be called a terrorist attack; the consequences of which could be potentially disastrous for Muslims in this country. The blogs are teeming with messages from assholes demanding a good ol' fashioned dragging to peacenik commies who are admonishing us all to, "just take a breath."

Nations are fighting a dozen small wars around this world in places that don't register on the limited internal GPS taught to us as children. Violence is as normal a concept to us as would be a gun show next door to a kindergarten. Was this a terrorist attack? I think this was a terrorist attack, plain and simple. I think that it was an assault on innocent people. I believe the assailant of this crime to be the worst type of terrorist. But the true perpetrator, although believed to be apprehended, won't face any charges. As long as we, as a species, continue to accept that violence can resolve what words cannot; until we have grown tired of brutality as sport, a remedy for dissent and a means to punctuate our intentions and while we continue to think that sending our young to die on foreign land and we allow them to lose hope on neighborhood block; we will never, ever cease to bring to justice the true perpetrators of violence upon our kind. They will instead be rewarded through our ignorance with our blood and billions of dollars in compensation for creating the best tools for ending human life.

Hasan is a terrorist, the same way that weapons manufacturers, corrupt governments and other masters of propaganda are terrorists; by proxy, by definition and by consent. Until we, the victims of these terrorists, demand that civilized societies be defined by the daily acts of compassion their citizens show towards one another, we will always be on the hunt for terrorists, we will forever be doomed to watch our youth die in conflicts and we will never cease to see terrible tragedies unfold in the headlines, and the Hasans and Herstals of this world will continue to spread misery, hate and sorrow.

Stick the Bastard!

2009-10-29T23:11:00.000-07:00

I ran out this weekend and picked up Windows 7. It's supposed to run leaner and meaner, so considering what a nightmare Vista has been, I was pretty stoked. I also happened upon a MacBook Pro 13 and now that I'm TAing I got a couple of greenbacks I can part with, so I pick one of those up too. I get home and start loading Win7. Two hours later, I keep getting error messages and when I look over my wife is on the couch with the new Mac. She had loaded all of the software that we got for the Mac and had been checking out all of the pre-loaded stuff and was on the net, etc... 20 minutes after she cracked the seal on the box and here I was 24 hours later still trying to load this piece of shit program on my Dell mini. 4 days later Word won't open files directly from the desktop unless the program is open, IE constantly shuts down all on it's own and freezes up, my Kapersky anti-virus was corrupted and needed to be reloaded and I'm still downloading the Win updates. All of this aggravation for the completely reasonable price of $149 and oh, did I mention that I ultimately had to reformat my drive and reload all of my software to get Win7 to load? Yeah, the error message I kept getting was that the program needed 13kMB; strange indeed considering that I had 13MB of space. Those trust me commercials are right on the nose. I'm a sucker and I admit it. Dick face over here got my money. It's the only product you buy that comes already broken, the store refuses to take it back and it's your responsibility to fix it. And the Mac? Well, I haven't seen it since my wife got her hands on it; but I have another payday coming up soon.

Happy Genocide Day!

2009-10-12T17:57:00.000-07:00

There are still some really sick people out there who deny that what Columbus did by setting sail and "discovering" (I can't believe they still teach that bullshit in school) was motivated by money and pussy. Seriously, that's all there was too it. Fuck civilization, fuck what you think you know about spreading Christianity, fuck all that shit... Dude, was a sailor and I've known enough sailors to know that the only thing that motivates a squidy to get his ass up out of a bunk is the promise of a paycheck and a brothel at the next port. Anybody who wants to ascribe some kind of honor or duty or humanistic trait to Columbus or what brought his cracker ass over here on that boat, doesn't know what the fuck they're talking about. Dude wanted money and pussy and he got plenty of both for his trouble; the natives got the short end of the stick, sure, but ultimately the white man made it up to them by giving them blankets, casinos and plenty of good exercise on those marches they were forced on. Now, anyone who thinks I'm being a facetious asshole, hasn't been checking out the discussion boards today on the internet. Columbus' crimes are being explained, examined and excused by a bunch of sick, demented assholes who have no understanding of the impact of those crimes. So, I came across this little website and I would urge everyone reading this to take a look and maybe consider that it's about time for us as a nation to grow up, face reality and stop believing in stupid shit like spend down economics, political parties, the fucking tooth fairy and yes, the bullshit idea that the world is a much better place because Columbus was a greedy, evil mother fucker. Next thing you're going to tell me is some Jewish kid died, came back three days later and his "sacrifice" has been the source of all happiness in the world for the last 2000 years.

http://reconsidercolumbusday.org/HOW_YOU_CAN_TAKE_A_STAND.html

La Douchies

2009-10-05T16:56:00.000-07:00

I pull up to the Manhattan Beach post office and there are a couple of LaRouchies hanging out in front with their usual World-Bank-Zionist-Congress-Conspiracy bullshit, posters and I walk right past them, because it's just not worth my time to argue with deranged psychopaths. But, as I'm waiting in line I can sense that people are in a foul mood and their eyes are wondering around and their making eye contact with me and they all have that, "we really need to talk about this" look on their faces. I, however, am not inclined to carry on a conversation with strangers about anything more offensive than how cold it's getting, how warm it's getting or what my favorite brand of condoms is; since moving out here I have developed a great, "I won't fuck with you, if you don't fuck with me" laid-back, SoCal attitude.

So, I pay for my shit and start walking out of the post office, with every intention of walking to my car without so much as looking at the assholes out front. However, as you can imagine, our hero is not about to get off the hook that easily. This tall, golf tee wearing, white, Larouchie fuckface says to me with a big "I use cat shit for toothpaste" grin, "So, you like our poster?" I look over and these idiots have a picture of BO with a little Hitler mustache; like that shit is supposed to be funny.

I lost it on the guy. I really lost it. I asked him why he doesn't just come out and say that he's a white supremacist like the skin heads do; just be honest about the shit, right? Dude, comes back with, "Oh, just because I don't agree with Obama, I'm a racist. That's bullshit." Now, normally I'm all for challenging ideas and exchanging intelligent, rational thoughts for the sake of coming to some common understanding of issues; but that was just the wrong shit to say. I'll assume that this idiot had at least the capability of being a reasonable, intelligent person; so how can he ignore this nation's history of racism, oppression, systematic violence and murder perpetrated upon people of color? How can a person be so ignorant of this nation's racist violence and the racist violence of the Nazis that they would actually think that a poster that looks like the one above is anything but racist. Well, I boys and girls, have taken off the gloves. I am from this point forward confronting these racist assholes wherever they might hide. All of these Glen Beck, Lou Dobbs, Rush Limbaugh worshiping morons are on notice; I know what you are and I'm going to call you out on your bullshit every time; these are white nationalism, white supremacy, white power, call them what you want, racist movements and if the Dems and the progressives out there want to continue the charade of trying to build some kind of consensus on issues with these bunch of sickos, then fuck all of them too. I'm going to call it like I see it and from now on when I see this sick, depraved, shit, I don't care if it's somebody's 80 year old granny out there, they are going to get an earful of what I gave this mental deficient in front of the post office today; "NO, asshole! What's racist is you comparing this nation's first black president to the perpetrator of one of the worst genocides in human history; THAT'S WHAT MAKES YOU A FUCKING RACIST! SO, FUCK YOU!!" And that, is how you deal with those mother fuckers.

Peace!

Who Says There is No Future for the GOP??

2009-10-03T12:09:00.001-07:00

I was watching Bill Maher yesterday, which I seldom have done; not only did I not have cable until recently, but I think he's a smarmy, little punk and his delivery is as pleasant as a kick in the nuts. In any case, he had Janeane Garofalo on and say what you will about her, I think she's incredibly brilliant and sexy and funny and thoughtful. I don't listen to her show; opting instead for Rachel Maddow or Amy Goodman when I want a smart, sexy, woman's political POV, but I have to say that I'm her newest fan. She said some incredibly poignant things concerning the GOP and how incredibly racist the party has become. The bigotry of the party leadership is no longer subdued or even the subject of debate and there is no greater evidence of the racism of the GOP than the violent reaction of it's rank and file membership to having a black man as president. I know I have been going on about this for sometime myself, but Jeneane said that, we need to stop beating around the bush and just call this shit what it is. So far we have had angry white folk showing up at "town hall" meetings, angry white folks showing up heavily armed at political rallies, angry white folk yelling "Liar" at the president and angry white folk suggesting that what is needed is a military coup against the president:

http://www.talkingpointsmemo.com/news/2009/09/full_text_of_newsmax_column_suggesting_military_co.php?ref=mp

Think about what would happen if it were armed, angry black or Latino protesters that were out their suggesting that a sitting white president was a terrorist and that for the sake of our country we needed a violent overthrow of the government?

The GOP leadership, perhaps learning from McCain's mistake during the campaign when he admonished a crazed woman during the campaign who called Obama an Arab terrorist, has refused to put the cuckoos back in their cages. The willful ignorance of the Republicans to snap the leash on the wackos, white separatists, hate mongers and religious zealots who have won them a number of victories over the years has finally come back to bite them in the ass; now, they are the party of hatred, violence and racism. This is a label that will haunt them for a long time to come, but one that the leadership appears to be very comfortable with. The unfortunate part of all of this is that the dems seem to continue pursuing bi-partisanship and middle of the road politics. This will certainly lead to more losses in the future for the dems and rightfully so, I think. After all, why would you want to find common ground with a bunch of racist, sexist, religious wackos that want to use violence as a means of achieving political goals. Sadly, this is what Obama and the "super majority" in both houses of congress appear to be doing. Maybe we will have to wait for another Timothy McVeigh to come along to convince Americans that terrorists come in all shades and that condemning their radical, violent ideas is far more important than accepting their campaign contributions and votes.

I SUCK!

2009-09-19T13:46:00.001-07:00

I have only submitted work 2 times now to two different places and I have had both of the pieces accepted and published. So, I think my head got a little big and I sort of expected, that being so awesome at the writing thing would be quickly acknowledged by everyone and my mad skills would not be questioned when I submitted a third time. Well, I was wrong and I got my first rejection letter today. it's cool. I'm ok, I'll be fine... FUCK THOSE MOTHER FUCKERS! Who the fuck do they think they are? Crab fucking Orchard can kiss my Cuban ass. Just cuz they are one of the biggest and most respected and admired lit journals in the midwest and the US and quite possibly the world, doesnt' mean they have any right to humiliate me like this. I bet they think they're better than me? Well, who needs you Crab Orchard? More like Crabby Ass Old White Man Orchard. They just didn't like that the story I wrote (a work of art, a masterpiece and tale of biblical proportions) was about a cop in my old neighborhood in Pilsen. They were the ones who asked for stories about Illinois and that's what I gave them. RACISIM! RACISIM! They are racially profiling me. I write this incredible story and instead of begging me to write another one what do I get? A letter thanking me for my submission and asking me to try again? Well, it's not good enough! You will beg at my feet and throw dirt on your head. You will weep and offer me your children as slaves. You will promise me all the riches I can ever imagine, but you will never, ever have my precious work in your cheap, shit rag of a literary journal! Do you hear me? NEVER...

I want my mommy... (sniff, sniff)...

Man Overboard

2009-09-09T16:35:00.000-07:00

So, I'm on the first vacation I've had in about 4 years and everything is going swell, when on the last night aboard my cruise some dickhead gets into an argument with his wife and swan dives off the balcony. It was the middle of the night and we were on the rim of a huge storm that was slapping us with 4 foot waves. A Disney cruise ship pulls up along side us, the Coast Guard was dispatched and there were an ass load of life jackets thrown into the water. The guy apparently swam around for about an hour and a half and was eventually rescued. The whole thing made the papers and the nightly news. Now, what kind of an idiot jumps off a ship because he got into an argument with his wife and why wasn't his first impulse to drop kick her ass off the fucking boat? Can you imagine being that PW'd that you throw yourself into shark infested waters (in the middle of their lunch time I might add )? What the guy should have done was hit the casino and blow whatever money they had left if he wanted to get back at her.

Oh and I reluctantly kissed a dolphin on vacation, too. They are majestic and wonderful creatures, but they got halitosis like a mo'fucka and don't have any lips. So unless you like eating cat food and making out with rubber tires, I don't recommend it. I did see an orthodox Jew get in line twice to do it; a sight you don't see every day, so I felt like I had to tell someone.

Chicken Shit is the New Donkey.

2009-08-16T23:48:00.000-07:00

I move that we officially change the symbol of the Democratic party from Donkey to a big steaming pile of chicken shit. The super majority we gave them means nothing; they have finally shown their true colors, yellow like a motha fucka, and will be, in all likely-hood, caving in and allowing the republicans to strike the public option from universal health care legislation. It appears that all of those paranoid, Palin in 12', xenophobic, town hall, wackos will have their way after all. The republican hate machine has done it again and in the face of even the slightest chance of a fight, even a good one, the dems have done what one can always count on them to do; take a big shit on their constituents, quietly take the envelope under the table and make excuses for their short, shriveled up balls; all while trying to claim a victory. Three words come to mind; sad, sick and pathetic.

That universal health care is even a matter for debate is beyond comprehension, but that the stupid assholes at those townhall meetings, the very ones who would benefit from universal health care, have all but managed to shut down the most progressive legislation since the 65' Medicaid act, is un-fucking-real. How can anyone be so stupid as to think that Americans don't deserve to have the burden of the most expensive health care system in the world lifted from their backs? How can we justify fighting two wars on the other side of the globe, maintaining 250 military installations (and counting) around the world, sending robots to Mars, paying health industry CEOs million dollar salaries http://blogs.webmd.com/mad-about-medicine/2007/08/ceo-compensation-who-said-healthcare-is.html (this is a link to that left wing, socialist, class warfare inciting website, WebMD) and living in a country with more millionaires, billionaires and the highest GDP in the history of the world and yet, universal health care is evil and a construct of socialist nudniks who want to bankrupt us all?

At this point in our nation's filthy rich history, I'm wondering how we don't have free, universal, weed and liquor, door to door home delivery. In fact, how the fuck is it that we are in a depression with all of those rich mother fuckers running around trying to hide their (?) money in off shore accounts, buying yachts, helicopters and private jets in record numbers and with all of that taxpayer money that is going towards bailing their asses out (I guess socialism is only good in some instances, if you don't believe me just ask those mother fuckers in the weapons industry; American socialism has made them ultra-mega-super-fucking rich for decades now)?

The only Americans suffering through a depression right now are sick, weak, uneducated, under-employed, old, young and above all poor! This isn't a call to class warfare. That call went out decades ago and the ones who have gained the high ground and dug themselves in are the power brokers who have been aware of their status from the moment they were pulled out of platinum lined crotches and whose only job it is is to wait for their trust funds to mature. Our troops haven't made it to the battlefield; in fact, they're not even roused out of their bunks yet. You want free health care in this country? You're going to have to bleed for it.

The Battle of Mexico Part II

2009-08-07T01:09:00.000-07:00

OK, honestly I don't know if I'm falling victim to Media hype so, take this post with a huge grain of salt. However, I've been following the inevitable collapse of the Mexican government for several years now and this last story seems to be par for the course. Apparently, there is a group of Mexican Special Forces guys calling themselves "Las Zetas" (an ominous name, not a family one like most of the other cartels; which totally creeps me out) and they are apparently doing a lot of the dirty work for the cartels when they themselves are not handling their own business. Imagine a bunch of Blackwater mercs taking over a town in America and going around exporting drugs, assassinating police and politicians and raising an army to take over more and more territory. If these things are true and not just your typical, run of the mill, racist nonsense that one should expect from the American media, then this will end badly and I assure you not at the US/ Mexico border; these cats are already reportedly operating in the US. I'm not advocating US intervention, the last 100 years of US intervention in Mexico has caused enough damage; however, something must be done to restore some semblance of order to Mexico. The shit is getting out of control and I'm afraid for loved ones not to mention I'd really like to be able to visit without the irrational fear of being chopped into pieces and being stuffed in a barrell to rot looming over me.

http://www.cnn.com/2009/WORLD/americas/08/06/mexico.drug.cartels/index.html

Kowabunga Dude!

2009-08-02T20:28:00.000-07:00

I forget that I live a short 8 miles from the beach; correction, I live 8 miles from one of the nicest beaches in SoCal if not certainly the whole of the South Bay. So, I went out this week and spent every morning on the sand watching my son take his surf lessons. Well, every morning except the one following a nasty spell with sunburn. I forget that we are living in a post global warming era and the sun is far brutal than it has been, probably since before the age of Oxygen. I got toe' up and my shoulders still feel tight. Sunblock is not just for pussies anymore. Even us old school beach bums must use it. I got a little bit of writing done this week, though not much and I blame it on the waves, man. God, I love the waves. This beats corporate America all to hell; I'm never going back to work in a fucking office. If it ever comes to that, I'll walk into that ocean and never turning back.

Afterbirth

2009-07-24T14:11:00.000-07:00

Dear Sweet god, can the scared, racist, stupid assholes of this nation get any more pathetic? So now it seems BO is a Kenyan not to mention Arab, Muslim, terrorist. It just doesn't get any more sick minded and sad. Apparently, the idiots at Fox News and Lou "I hate brown people" Dobbs couldn't find anything else to fuck with BO about and have chosen this overtly racist, pseudo-patriotic heap of bullshit to go after our boy with. Here's a great link to Huff post, where you can watch Colbert rip the idiot that started this non-sense. http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2009/07/29/colbert-vs-crazy-stephen_n_246700.html
Incidentally, this moron is a Russian immigrant, which I find particularly disgusting. Kind of like when Arnold suggests that immigrants should be forced to speak English; the shit just doesn't make sense. Don't let anyone tell you differently. At the core of their arguments there is pure, unadulterated racism and fear of the "other". These people, and allow me to point out that they are mostly old, white, hard-core, republican types, simply cannot wrap their diseased little minds around the fact that the rest of this country is ready to move beyond the bullshit baggage of race. In order to do this, however, we need to engage in a discussion of historical injustices, inequality and they must come to terms with their fears, as well as, lose the desire to return to a time when people of color smiled and nodded and accepted that they, white, racist mother fuckers, ran shit in this country. Those days are gone; long gone and will never return. Get over it and stop letting your fear control your emotions. We people of color already know what happens when whitey gets scared. They react violently and irrationally; no? not true? I submit to you that the last time whitey was this scared a federal building got blown to shit; and the weird part, the president was one of them, he was just cool with black people. My advice, be careful around white folk you don't know; some of them want to return to a time when white men were kings and the rest of us had to grin and bear it and there is no easier way to dismiss the accomplishments of people of color than to question and challenge their right to call themselves Americans.

Senate Judicial Hearings

2009-07-19T14:39:00.000-07:00

Let's begin with a question: Why must people of color abandon, recant or otherwise ignore history, personal experience and observations when seeking office in these United States? Why has Sonia Sotomayor been made to apologize for her "wise Latina statement? Why was Obama taunted by the media and racist whiteys during the Jeremiah Wright flap? Could it be that old "there goes the neighborhood" mentality kicking in? Ask any person of color and they will tell you; at some point in their life they have had to justify why they "deserve" to be in that school, car, house, restaurant, bar, supermarket, university... the list goes on, but my point is that when we strive to move forward in this society it's like we have to go through this bullshit detector that only we have to pass through. White folk don't have to answer for their racist ancestors or their family's role in the violent, racist past of this nation, when they "move up." So why do we have to proove we aren't pissed at whitey? Sotomayor and BO both had to go through it and it's the most painful thing to watch, because it's like these evil crackers are going to decide whether they are worthy to represent US. It's as if, these individuals have to declare that they are not pissed off enough that they would seek revenge on whitey for the evils of the past and that furthermore, they can go back and tell the others that Whitey ain't so bad and we can all quit being uppity. Sickening the whole fucking thing; it sickens me to see that racist piece of shit Lindsey Graham, who happens to be from one of the most historically racist, evil places on earth, roll his fucking eyes when he says, in regard to the PRLDF's stance on the death penalty, "that the death penalty should be stricken, because it has -- it's a form of racial discrimination." So, here is a man so completely consumed by his racism that he doesn't even know when he's being a racist (Look up his remarks concerning Japanese American concentration camps during WWII) and he's demanding an apology from one of the most brilliant minds of the 20th century, because she had the balls to allude to her personal history as being the reason for why she is better prepared to be a judge. Maybe having whitey shit on her did prepare her and make her wiser and I for one don't see why she can't say so. The solution is rather simple for white folk; if you don't want people of color hating on you then, as the great Pat Parker wrote, "First, forget that I'm black and second don't ever forget that I'm black." In other words, relate to me as me, but don't' dismiss my experiences with your people as some bullshit that I just need to get over. See how simple that is?

This is What Happens When Writers Drink Too Much

2009-07-14T00:31:00.000-07:00

OK, I was out celebrating with my good buddy, Shanks Carpenter Green, who just released his novel, "Six Inch Crimes" (visit his site and order a book or two: www.myspace.com/sixinchcrimes). Anyhow, we got into a little exquisite corpse and this is what we came up with, enjoy:

Do Cyborgs Dream Electric Mensies?

An Exquisite Corpse Exercise by:

Shanks Carpenter Green

&

V. Lazaro Zamora

The SVTLN 2- “MAN HUNTER” put the bloody knee cap of a fresh kill in her mouth and only stopped chewing when she heard the rustling coming from the rubble where the lighthouse once stood. Her impulse to inspect was both willful and hesitant since earlier, she knew, that was the same spot she had discarded her used, crumpled, obscene tampon and the rustling both excited and disturbed her. She quickly and simultaneously activated her radar, heat sensing, 5mm rocket, infra-vision and pre-lubed the walls of her aftermarket, 2nd generation, EXTC-17 vagina.

While the thought of alien penetration flustered the steel springs of her heaving, synthetic, light pink cunt lips, she couldn’t formulate (properly) the sensible computations for the invasive barrage of images resembling the stock memory of her humanoid father sprinkling the white spatter of creamy human goo across her sleeping face. She pushed the humiliation of her youth and the impulse to find a safe place in the wasteland to masturbate to her thoughts and moved towards the rubble, leaving the gutted, emasculated corpse of another assassin behind her.

Strangely, with no construct of mathematical logic, she released her rockets and decimated the earth within a 2.7 mile radius all around her; screaming hysterically and inexplicably, while the napalm aura engulfed her and rose to the heavens.

When she woke, the sky had cleared and sand had turned to glass and her metallic skin radiated the heat of her vengeance; no one fucks for free, she thought, no one fucks for free, ever again! The anguish of her digital scream resounded through the aftermath of charred earth and unfamiliar emotion and only died down as the sand moved and crept and gelled into the solid mass of her father who looked at her and sternly and uttered, “Bitch, there’s no escaping daddy’s cock,” and then slapped his “Svetlana” with the cold force of his backhand.

Coming to a Mall Near Me...And You Too.

2009-07-06T15:43:00.000-07:00

This is not a picture of the Del Amo Mall as it stands today. It is what it may look like within the next couple of years. I love a great mall and without apology, I will come forward and admit that, despite all of my anti-consumer rhetoric, I like heading out from time to time and browsing the shelves of the Gamestops, Brookstones and Suncoast Video store. There is something genuinely American about having a Pakistani, Kiosk operator try to sell me a Chinese made Che' Guevara, Ipod protector or rhinestone encrusted, diamond shaped belt buckle. That's why, I was so incredibly distraught by a visit I paid to the Del Amo Mall this weekend. The Del Amo is the former holder of the world's largest mall and has appeared prominently in Bad Santa, Jackie Brown and Valley Girl. At any time of day the Del Amo is packed to the rafters with eager shoppers, dropping bundles of cash on shit they don't need. So, when my wife suggested we go to the mall, the day after Independence Day, in the middle of the afternoon, I was expecting to relive a scene from a Romero flick. However, that did not happen. Instead, it appears that this mighty fountainhead of capitalism, has been ravaged by the DEPRESSION (YES, we are in a DEPRESSION!).
Many of the stores, have been closed down and operations in the ones still up and running have been scaled down considerably. The post-apocalypse consumers wander the corridors like going into any of the shops will give them leprosy; it is a sad thing to see. With few exceptions, the mall is a former shadow of itself. People are buying at the Gamestop; perhaps a reflection of the desire to escape the misery of life in the wake of the Bush years. The Chinese chair massage guy nearly tackled me when I walked past his shop; now empty except for the faint smell of patchouli and ass. Even Brookstone, where they were trying to sell self-sustaining eco-systems (a couple of dwarf frogs, a bamboo shoot and a snail in a tiny plastic bowl) at $40 a pop, has resorted to slashing prices on the other useless shit they sell.
People are walking the mall, staring at the things they wish they could buy, take home and let depreciate on a shelf somewhere; being unable to afford even a months supply of weight loss tea, most of the consumers are left staring at those few who are walking around with bags of merchandise. Oddly enough, while we are all in an economic shit storm, there are some of us who can still afford vacations, shopping sprees at the mall and driving SUVs that get 4 miles to the gallon. I'm baffled by the new dynamic of our economy and I'm left wondering when this terrible shit is going to end; though if you ask Joe Biden, he and BO had no clue it was as bad as it really is until just recently.
I think perhaps it's time to re-examine why we let the same people who have brought this mess on us, continue to keep what is not theirs for the keeping. Of course, the Rush Limbaughs of this world, have got the NASCAR fans and Sarah Palinites convinced that if you tax the shit out of the rich, they will hide "their" money and we will suffer worse for it. I would argue that, in this depression and long before it, they managed to hide "their" money just fine. The difference is that now, all one has to do is go to a shopping mall if you want to see them hide it in plain sight.

Renewed

2009-06-30T22:47:00.000-07:00

What an amazing experience VONA was. I have changed my relationship with my writing and with humans. Elmaz Abinader was an amazing teacher, she taught me more in a week than I have learned in a year at my MFA; craft wise and instinct, just amazing. Thomas Glaze, Asha Benedele were great; incredibly generous and wonderful people to talk to. I even met ZZ Packer who blew my mind; I'm totally going to look for her next year. I got to talk a little X-Men with Junot Diaz, too. Anyhow, I'm back and start grad research stuff next week and will be hammering away at my thesis this summer; I WILL NOT be sticking around for a third year; no fucking way! So, i'm hitting the keyboard hard and will check in again next week, cuz this blog means a lot to me and it's time to do it to it.
PS. RIP Michael Jackson. I give two shits about all the scandal; "Thriller" changed how I listened to music, and I'm thankful for and have to recognize his genius!

The Battle of Mexico

2009-06-07T20:51:00.000-07:00

I'm willing to lay odds at this point that the Mexican government will either completely collapse within the next few years, all out civil war will erupt or the government will have to declare marshal law in most of major cities and will have to violently disarm the narco-syndicates. You should have heard by now that there was a huge gun battle that left 18 people dead, IN ACAPULCO! Not some little border town, where the cartels run everything and can ferry drugs and money back and forth without interference; ACA-FUCKIN-PULCO! Elvis made a goddamn movie there for fuck's sake and now their using frag grenades in the middle of the streets. People are starting to ask themselves, what the hell is going on in Mexico? Well, it's just decades of corruption, fraud, abuse and deprivation of political, social and economic rights. Our government has embraced the dictators that have run that country into the ground since the end of Spanish colonialism. You turn on CNN at night and poor Lou Dobbs looks like his head is going to explode. Well, don't worry if everything goes the way it looks like it's going, we won't have to worry about illegal immigrants by the hundreds or thousands; we'll be sheltering refugess by the hundreds of thousands. It does sort of beg the question; How much longer is the Obama government going to continue the Bush policy of ignoring Latin America? Maybe when these cats are diving into shallow pools of blood on the concrete, we'll decide to intervene. Till' then book your next vacation in Canada.

UP For Air

2009-05-23T00:22:00.000-07:00

Dear Lord, this has been the toughest quarter yet. I've so much work to do. But, it's been really productive. Some of you have been asking what's up with the blog. But, as you probably know I've actually been published since the last time I blogged, TWICE! So, unfortunately I haven't had much to time to do this. Good news is the quarter is almost over and in a couple of weeks I'll be back to fuck with your head. I'm going to be at the Voices of Our Nations workshop in SF this summer for a week. I actually got in; the application process was pretty grueling and I didn't get my first choice for workshop but just being picked is kind of a big deal. Junot Diaz and ZZ Packer will be there, but I'm especially stoked because I'll be under the tutelage of Elmaz Abinader who is the amazing writer of Children of the Roojme: A Family's Journey from Lebanon and a really cool lady. So, I'm getting ready for that plus, I'm going to be doing research this summer for professor Stu Kreiger, who wrote The Land Before Time. So, I'm a busy boy! But, stay tuned and I promise I'll get back to this in a couple of weeks. Now, where the fuck was I??? Oh yeah...

ARTIE
Pussy farts? That's all you got?
Pussy farts...

The Writer

2009-03-24T01:17:00.000-07:00

I'm watching Kat Von D. on Jimmy Fallon. I know, I know; but, I'm bored and the scotch and the coming quarter have been taking it's toll and I'm in a bit of a tale spin (not typo). So, I decide to tune in, but won't take prisoners. Kat seems like a normal person and a cool chick. No beef with her and quite frankly if I could fuck Nikki Sixx to make things happen for me, I would. OK, here it is, she has a bestseller. A FUCKING BESTSELLER PEOPLE! I mean, look; we (writers) struggle and bust our asses to bring you the best that a creative mind can come up with. We become alcoholics, destroy our families, commit suicide, go hungry, sleep with hookers, shoot heroin, eat human flesh, cheat on our wives, abandon our children, kill people, commit felonies and serve time and all this to bring you our art. We throw ourselves head first into our craft and seek only your love and approval and attention. We force ourselves to think and you can hear our sinews crack and strain with the desire and longing for approval from the world; just a word, a hint, a single one word accolade. And, our reward? Kat Von D. has a best seller. OK, I understand. It is our destiny to suffer. It is my role in this world to be the gladiator, fighting for every step; clawing, swinging, thrashing wildly to stay alive. Just one question:

ARE YOU NOT ENTERTAINED??!!!

Sayonara Mother Fuckers

2009-03-17T13:05:00.001-07:00

I never thought I would agree with Chuck Grassely. He's an angry, old, white man who represents the angry, old, white people of Iowa. We just run in different circles. But I have to hand it to the asshole. He said that the thieving bastards from AIG who want to walk away with 165 Mil of tax payer money should either give up the money or publicly kill themselves. I think it's about time people started talking about violence as a remedy for our financial woes. Hanging bastards like Jeff Skilling, Dennis Kozlowski's and Bernie Madoff off the side of a bridge from their nutsacks won't bring a single dime back to the investors or taxpayers. It would, however, give me a warm fuzzy feeling and personally I don't know what would be wrong with feeding the whole lot of them to a pack of hungry badgers, on prime time TV. Actually, if we could find someone to produce a show where these soft fingered, amoral, lowlifes have to run through a maze of death only to be dismembered if they make it out anyway, I would actually consider watching TV again (other than BSG, of course, (please don't go!))
I think we could have a celebrity version of the "Labyrinth of Reprisal" or "The Great Reparation Relay" (Mark Burnett, eat your heart out). We could actually start with Chuck Grassley. He did, after all, TAKE "119 earmarks totaling nearly $120 million" according to the Iowa Independent, so in that sense he's as much a thieving piece of shit as those AIG types.
It's like this, those fuckers on 9/11 killed 3000 people in the blink of an eye. It sucked and we retaliated as only we Americans can; we bombed the shit out of brown people. Right? We threw cab drivers in prison indefinitely and tortured and maimed and let GWB take a big ol' shit on our Constitution and ultimately we killed an assload of people as retribution for the death of our 3000. We took our pound of flesh and declared a "War on Terror" and we called it justice when we shocked and awed those mother fuckers "over there".
Now, all of a sudden, the bad guys are wearing $10k black Armani suits and for some reason we have to treat them with kidgloves. We have to follow the letter of the law; the lawyers have to open their appointment books and the justice Department has to ask politely for affidavits. Does the law request a hearing when a young black kid in the ghetto sells a joint on a street corner? Do the Sheriff's Deputies knock politely on the door of a family who is being evicted because they can't pay the mortgage? NO! The law brings in the bulldozers, pops off the flash bangs and wrestles your 90 year old granny to the ground with a a Jiu-jitsu death choke!
Yet, these "greed is good", Ayn Rand and Henry Kissinger worshipping mother fuckers have been the cause of more suicides, poverty and general misery in the US and worldwide for the last 30 years than any camel fucking terrorist. They have brought our country to the brink of economic collapse and have destroyed lives with their corrupted souls and "fuck you = more for me" approach to making a living. Suicide is too good for them; ALL OF THEM! I say, let's watch them run for their lives. Let's grab pitchforks and chase them down alleyways and watch the gutters fill with blood. Let's write about them in history books as the thieves that tried to destroy us all. Let's soil their names and wreck their lives for generations to come the way they have ruined our credit and turned our lives upside down. BLOOD! BLOOD! BLOOD!
Or we could just make them pay back all of the money they stole, make "short selling" illegal from now on and outlaw earmarks permanently. At least that would be a start.

Craig Ferguson: In the Land of the Unfunny...

2009-03-07T20:22:00.001-08:00

... the Man with the Best One-liners, is King...

Late night T.V. just keeps getting funnier and funnier and this week Jimmy Fallon just added his own pot of stupidly unfunny to the already dull and tasteless late night buffet. I didn't think he would pull off to begin with, but it was truly depressing to see him try to do a monologue that was written for an audience of coma patients; he just stood there with his eyes wide open like some cat that is about to get hit by a dump truck. He played beer pong with Serena Williams, had Drew Barrymore lick a bowling ball and had a dance off with Cameron Diaz in his first ground breaking week. And the thrills didn't stop there. Watching him interview "The Donald" showed how unprepared he really. Mr. Combover hijacked the interview and used it as an opportunity to promote his own show and nothing more; Fallon has no control. The good news for Jimmy Kimmel is now he has someone whose career he'll be able to laugh at; when he's not crying over breaking up with Sarah Silverman for the upmteenth time. Oddly enough, not being able to watch either of these trainwrecks forced me to switch over to Craig Ferguson for the first time in ages. Looks like Ferguson might finally have his shit together. His ad libs are still hit or miss, but he looks comfortable and like he's at least having fun doing his job, a big difference from the early days. Late night TV sucks ass in general and it's time for some fresh blood, but Jimmy Fallon is totally wrong for the job.

He's No Man of Steel!

2009-03-02T21:01:00.000-08:00

Talk about chicken shit. Rush "The fat drug addicted hypocritical, scumbag," Limbaugh owned Michael Steele this weekend at the RNC convention. Steele then goes on D.L. Hughely and defends himself and finally calls it like it is on that fat piece of shit, as any person in his position should have done. Limbaugh goes on his show and tells his listeners that Steele is not the GOP, doesn't represent the GOP and that he is the GOP! Steele then totally pusses out and apologizes. APOLOGIZES for Christ sakes. That's like having an asshole throw his drink on you and then asking him for forgiveness to avoid a fight. This is what the GOP has come too. I knew years ago that that stupid asshole Limbaugh would eventually end up ruining the party and that it was only a matter of time before he completely hijacked it. Now what's left is for him to actually assume an official role in the party, followed by an invasion of Poland. You don't need Jon Stewart if you want a good laugh at the expense of the Republican party; you just need to stay tuned and watch.

This is the End!

2009-02-26T18:47:00.000-08:00

Sorry about the graphic picture. It gives me no pleasure to make you wretch. Well, ok, maybe it does a little...
So, it looks like Bobby Jindal is a fucking idiot and not very likely to pop back up on our radar anytime soon. If last night was any indication as to the state of the Republican party, it's safe to say that BO will be keeping the best seat in the Oval Office warm until 2016. Seriously, a governor from the state that nearly had an entire city wiped off the face of the earth not 5 years ago, can't understand why people in Washington state and Hawaii might need volcano monitoring equipment? I say again, what a fucking idiot. This guy was supposed to be the great brown hope of the GOP and now both he and Michael Steele are out making the party look like GWB left the white house and took the partys brain home to Texas with him. What a train wreck, man. I think we saw the end of the party for good last night. There is no way that they are going to reconnect with voters anytime soon and it's unlikely that the Dems will be able to fuck things up any worse than they are for quite some time. Anyone notice that Sarah "Bukake librarian" Palin has completely disappeared? I mean aside from a small blurb about her having to pay back the state of Alaska for stealing money to take her kids on tour with her last Fall, there is nothing out there about her. I think she's trying to avoid a Bobby Jindal moment and if she gets through the next four years without publicly making a fool of herself she might get those die hard, right wing, racist, Jesus freak,morons from last Fall to come out of the wood work for her again in 12'. Let's all just hope some really dirty pictures of her getting it on with another chick make their way to TMZ or smoking gun. Judging from the myriad shitbag potential candidates that the GOP is already out parading around, a bit of hot lesbo, experimenting might actually make Palin a potential threat to BO's re-election chances. Jesus Christ, I miss Bob Dole.

AWP Day 4: The Fat Lady's Angry Song/ Return of the King

2009-02-15T00:01:00.000-08:00

A young, chubby girl with sausagesque fingers and cat like eyes lights a cigarette and continues talking into her phone, over the noise of downtown movement. She fumbles for a lighter in a rainbow colored purse and continues talking in between the sucking and puffing on the filter of a Camel Turkish Delight. By the time she is half done with the cigarette, she has filled the air around her with negativity; her boredom with the seminars, her dislike for the other writers she has met, the failure to gain knowledge from any of the panelists. She insists that she should have stayed home and worked on her manuscript.

She tells the person on the other end, “I didn’t really need to come to this. It was stupid. What a waste.” Her milky white cheeks are now red from the whip and stretch of the numbing cold and she puts out her cigarette in the gold plated ashtray under the heaters that fail to live up to their name on this morning. She hangs up the phone and walks past me to into the carousel doors. I smell the faint trail of vanilla she leaves behind as vanishes into the crowded lobby of the Chicago Hilton.

It is done now. The AWP is a wrap and I have celebrated with a ten dollar glass of Dewars (neat of course) in the mock Irish tavern on the lobby level of the Hilton. I forget about the 4 extra dollars I have just overpayed for a mediocre brand as I walk through the revolving doors. I climb into the back seat of a gray-skinned, four-wheeled beast. I leave the downtown area for the last time this week and head for the old neighborhood.

The line stretches out of the restaurant and onto the sidewalk, snaking down the block for at least 20 yards. People shiver, but the snot and tears will not get in the way of a good meal and no man dares utter the phrase, “let’s go it’s too long.”; not on valentines evening. My father climbs down onto the frozen pavement and tells my mother to park in the lot. He walks toward the restaurant doors and we drive up into the lot, where a bundled up parking attendant waves us off and starts yelling that there is no parking. My mother opens the window and sticks her head out. She looks at the man and smiles and ask, “no?” The smile is instantly returned by the attendant, who laughs and starts frantically waving us in. “Claro que si. Claro que si.”

I walk down 18^th street and see the crowd down the way, in front of the restaurant, I will fight my way through it; but this moment is for reserved for taking inventory of what has bloomed and decayed in my absence. “The fire. See?” My mother points at the building directly in front of the restaurant and I see the shell of a building that was once a home to the old Eastern European immigrants, before it was the home for the new Latin American immigrants, before it died a fiery death, a few months ago. I stop and look at the damage for a moment and my mother walks on towards the crowd. The damage caused by the fire looks like it was caused by a fire that started in the bakery in the building next door. The bakery was only a few years old, but though everyone complained about the prices, the creations were wonderful pieces of edible confection and I lament missing out on a chocolate cupcake, laced with chile’ and buttercream frosting. My stomach protests the sightseeing and refuses to miss another meal today so I turn and walk towards the crowd.

When I reach the line my parents call to me from inside the restaurant, over the angry looks of people who can’t believe our audacity. I look past them, and at the doorway; they notice my indifference to their complaint twisted faces and collectively and silently make it difficult for me to make it into the restaurant. Half way through to the door a family, being led by a teenage boy with Down syndrome, comes out of the restaurant’s inner doorway towards me. I am already to the door of the restaurant, but see that the boy is having trouble getting through the crowd and he begins to screech excitedly. His mother gently nudges him, saying softly, “Dale’ Nestor. Dale’ Mijo.”

I take his arm and guide him back towards the opening asking people to please step aside. He continues screeching and laughing under his breath. I let the rest of the family through and I turn back towards the door of the restaurant. I don’t need to ask to get through; the people have seen a good deed and they reward me by stepping aside. My Carne Asada will taste better tonight than it ever has.

AWP Day 3- I Hate Chicago

2009-02-13T20:05:00.000-08:00

The frigid air bites my tongue, my throat, my lungs; When will Sunday come? Last night’s scotch still fuels my temper; I’m sorry ma. I walk through the lobby and not a single smile out shines the brass railings; God I hate other writers. My mp3 player drives the Def Tones’ Beware straight into my pounding head; how fitting. It is day 2 at the AWP and there is anger in the air.

The Huron Room of the 8th floor is packed to capacity. I can’t see into the room, but I can hear the speakers, though I missed half of the discussion and don’t know what’s going on. People are standing in the back of the room and occasionally some asshole, with a sense of entitlement, pushes through the crowd and works their way to the front; What the Fuck?
A security guard in blue polyester, with a gold, lapel pin that relates his authority with a small letter “a” comes through and waves his “walky talky”. He asks people to “please clear out the back of the room.” The bottom drops out of his baritone voice, when some bald-headed, guy, sporting way too many Black Flag buttons, says with a broad smile, “this is fuckin’ bullshit.” The security guard frowns and I see the creases around his mouth make a pair of horizontal “u’s” and he raises his voice and says, “sir, I’m sorry for any inconvenience, but it’s against fire code.”
I move away from the outside of the door and I’m asked to move along as well, since the fire code extends to the ante-room of the larger conference hall. A heavy set woman dressed in beige with a matching scarf comes out of the conference hall waving her arms around like a tusken raider waving off flames. She marches up to the security guard and proclaims “My daughter is a lawyer! You people are endangering the lives of the people in that room! They cannot be sitting in the aisle and you know it! I’m calling the Hilton corporate offices! You have made my day!” It becomes her mantra as the head of security, followed by a supervisor and manager and assistant director and finally the hotel head honcho try to assure her that there is nothing wrong with the people being in the center of the aisle. They ask her, Shirley, to please just calm down; her only reply is, “that’s Doctor Long to you, sir”.
Shirley reminds me of what I hate about this city. Unreasonable people, who are made miserable and stupid by weather and other things they can’t control. I find a couch in the front lobby and take a small nap. Shirley, the cold, the negativity in this corner of the city and the scotch have all left me by the times Miles Davis’ Jeru comes on my player; the afternoon will be better.

AWP Day 2- I Hate Eric Bogosian

2009-02-12T19:40:00.000-08:00

I hit the street and the inside of my nostrils stiffen and my eyes tear up. I walk among the young hipsters on Michigan Avenue, who I decide must be establishing their degree of cool by sporting their grandfather’s hats. I walk from the pseudo-Italian ristorante as my motserella and tomado sangwich (when in Rome…) and pick up a pack of Marshall McGearty cigarettes. At 11 dollars a pack they truly are, as the pack reads, anything but ordinary. They, like me, were born and bred in this city. I light the first one in my pack after tamping it on the back of my zippo and notice a sign that reads, “It is prohibited to smoke within 15 feet of this building”. People are standing around a huge, concrete, flower pot; conveniently located near the curb, which serves as an ashtray for the young lady who sees me approach and decides to leave.
I puff smoke through the icy ether and follow the cloud, with my eyes, as it quickly dissipates around a light post. I look around and see flocks of tourists now weaving in around the hipsters, pointing and smiling at some far off, distant adventure that awaits them. I notice there are no homeless people on the street. No homeless on Michigan Avenue? In the middle of the day? The thought is foreign and I contemplate filing a complaint somewhere. Then I notice that there are buildings going up south of 7th Avenue, way south close to Racine; something never imagined possible only five years ago. Herr Daley giveth and he taketh away. I comforted by the idea that the more things change in this city, the more likely someone is going to be indicted and decide to drop the idea of filing a complaint with the mayor’s office.

It is now late in the evening and I have penciled into my itinerary a reading by Eric Bogosian, which will be the last thing I do today. I walk through the upper lobby of the Chicago Hilton, towards the International Ballroom; it’s carpeting a multi-colored salute to cheap Vegas-style, psycho-mind fucking. The carpeting is certainly inspired by the latest generation of girls-gone wild and I imagine is meant to make the heiress to the Hilton fortune feel at home in lush gaudiness; the walls and ceilings are a different matter. They remind me of an age of elegance; when excess did not necessarily mean flash. The molding is painted now, but in its day it most certainly had to have been left bare if only to show off the beauty of the natural world it was inspired by.
I am nearing the stairs that lead to the ballroom when I see a sign outside of the grand ballroom, which reads, “Builder of Positive Reality: A Conversation with Haki R. Madhubuti. I decide to stop in and hear what the gentle-faced man on the poster has to say; Bogosian is a douche bag anyway, I decide. The room is nearly completely empty and the discussion has already begun; this cannot be good.
I sit and listen to Dr. Madhubuti speak about his experiences growing up in Detroit; where his mother, a beautiful but “unprotected” woman had to prostitute herself to feed the both of them. I heard him tell of his own self-hatred for himself and his race and how he overcame it by reading Richard Wright at her insistence. He described how his experience in the army, which he calls “employment for poor people”, taught him to never let himself be put in a position where, “stupid people would be telling me what to do”. I was inspired when he told of the personal accounts as confidant to Gwendolyn Brooks and his role in the development of “Afrikan-centered” schools on Chicago’s South side.
He impressed upon me that the struggle to be great is not only a personal one; but one that demands the rejection of evil. It is a delicate fight that takes the form of a balancing act without a net; to stay above the fray and yet take matters into one’s own hands. His discussion was by far the most gratifying of any I attended today and without question, what he had to say was far more important than anything Eric Bogosian has ever said or written. Why then, I asked myself were there less than 30 people in a room that easily fits 500?

Live From Cloud Nine

2009-02-11T14:14:00.000-08:00

The airplane is a horrible invention. It’s not quite as bad as an electric douche bag, though you can certainly fill one with douche bags, and my flight from LA to Chicago is at maximum capacity. The airplane, as a social animal, has clearly lost its place in the pantheon of great American inventions. Its decline in popularity and cool points is in part due to the changes in American society, but mostly it is out of the lack of insight and humor of both our government and the terrorists who are out to kill us.
Things weren’t always so terrible. I recall as a child the wonder and privilege it was to even step foot in an airport. There was nothing like going to the airport to drop someone off or...big…dreamy… nostalgic… sigh… getting on an actual airplane. Men wore three piece suits to travel, with wing tips, dress hat, suspenders, cufflinks; the works! The women showed up dressed to the nines with their hair and nails done; dressed to kill! Even the kids would get in on the action; no jeans or t-shirts allowed; the creases on your shirt would slice butter and your hair had to be neatly slicked down with a couple handfuls of your old man’s pomade.
Your family would walk you up to the gate, past the metal detector and friendly security guard who would wave you all right on through; unless you looked funny, in which case a quick rummaging through your personal belongings would serve you as a lesson to try to fit in next time. You’d make it to the gate and everyone would wave and blow kisses and then they’d all watch your plane take off to some far off magical destination. Then afterwards, while you were off soaring high above the clouds, everyone you left behind would enjoy an overpriced meal at a bad restaurant in one of the terminals and they all went home happy and excited; looking forward to the next time that the opportunity to be near one of those magnificent flying marvels.
Nowadays, people show up to the airport looking like they just rolled out of bed. Your family is not allowed inside the airport so you get dropped off at the curb. This is due to government statistics which show that, “jihadys” are constantly trying to smuggle chainsaws aboard a plane and given the chance would start dumping bodies out of an emergency exit at thirty thousand feet. Thus, we must line up to be insulted by the dull wit and charm of those drill sergeant school wash outs, who have found gainful employment in the TSA; who also serve as a constant reminder that things could only be worse if they stripped you naked at the gate, strapped you into a chair aboard the plane and shoved a catheter into your genitals as part of the pre-flight procedures. Some find the security to be an intrusion and an inexcusable outrage; I agree, but think it’s better than having to take a detour to Libya or Cuba, half way through my flight.
What is inexcusable, however, is the smell of ass and armpit that hits you the moment you get aboard the plane. That smell forces anyone not raised on a farm to make use of the vomit bag, which incidentally, I wouldn’t be surprised if they started charging us six bucks a pop for; oddly enough the price of everything aboard an airplane is six dollars from roast beef sandwiches to a mini-bottle of scotch (how is that possible?).
If you ask me Al-Queda was able to pull off September 11th because of Ronald Reagan’s decision to de-regulate the airlines. It wasn’t until de-regulation that every smelly, lazy, ne’r-do-well in America was able to afford getting on a plane (I’m talking about the peripheral costs not just the ticket). Perhaps “The Gipper” in his free market fantasy world had good intentions; truth be told he was throwing his old airline exec buddies a bone; God knows those guys needed a reprieve from all the horrible government intervention that was keeping them from enjoying capitalism.
Aviation security in those days might not have averted a terrorist attack on the scale of September 11th. But, even if those guys had made it past the expense involved, the dress code requirement and the racial profiling that served as the best deterrents to any onboard shenanigans, they might have succumbed to the second hand smoke that filled the passenger cabin of every single flight in the continental U.S. If that had not stopped them, then perhaps the meal you got on every flight might have done the trick. The entire meal was served in a compartmentalized dish about the size of a brick; which is ironic because that’s what it felt like in your stomach. The meal would typically give you terrible gas and you would sweat profusely from the cramps in your stomachs. Maybe that smell of ass and armpit has been there all along.
Come to think of it, maybe the good ol’ days of flying weren’t so good. One aspect of flying that has certainly not changed is turbulence. Turbulence on a plane today is just as terrible today as it was back then. Especially, the turbulence one feels flying over the mountains going from West to East at night. I’ve always wondered if pilots can control the horrible jaw jarring effects of turbulence better than they let on or if they just love the satisfaction of knowing that people are scared shitless and sweating profusely in their seats. This may account for the smell of ass and armpit on a plane as well; maybe pilots are into that kind of thing, I don’t know, but I’d feel weird to ask so I guess we’ll have to wait until we see a youtube video showing surreptitious pilots sniffing the seats before a flight.
My plane right now feels like it’s flying sideways through a pinball machine and though I would like to keep writing about my trip to Chicago, I think now would be a good time to talk to the God I’ve ignored for almost 20 years and see if I can put in a credit application for one of those barf bags.

Just Ignore the Fat, Stupid, Drug Addict.

2009-02-01T18:47:00.000-08:00

I've got an idea. This asshole, Rush Numbballs we'll call him, likes to go around saying the most dim-witted shit imaginable then turning around and accusing people who don't agree with him of being stupid; an act which is ironically about as stupid as one human can actually get. So who is this jack off, really? Well, Al Franken, a few years ago, very aptly called him a big, fat, idiot. His stupidity is a given; it is the one constant and unchanging variable in the long list of descriptors that we could use to identify this low-life piece of shit; whom incidentally the world would be much better off without. Now, I don't condone violence, but if anyone has an Amtrak train they would like to drive at 100 MPH into his forehead, I would be grateful, for the merciful act and I'm certain we would raise enough money for your defense that no reasonable jury in the world would convict you. This will be the last time I ever write about him (unless I am offered a large sum of money, which I will use to go train shopping), reason being, that now that the election is over this walking bag of shit has publicly (and finally) shown his true hatred for our country and it's people by wishing that our new president, not even a week in office, FAIL-his words, fail. Not drop the ball, not mess up, not fuck up; FAIL. He wants our president to fail. Not in any of the eight years of misery and torturous stupidity, the willful ignorance of the constitution, or even the raping of our financial system that took place under GWB, did I ever once hear anyone on the left (mainstream left) show joy for or ask that he FAIL. They pointed out his failures, sure; but that wasn't hard considering he was the worst president in history. Had anyone at the height of the war said they wanted him to fail, I'm certain that the mainstream, right wing and liberal "media" would have impaled that person on a pole. We are at, what many consider the height of our recession and here this scum bag wants to see our country fail. He is a traitor and deserves no less than to have what little brains he has to be eaten by zombies. But, what is this fat fuck's reward for wishing that our president fail? Well, since the republicans no longer have a voice, are completely fractured and don't know what the hell they are going to do to move their joke of a party forward, this fat bag of shit has become a de-facto representative for the party. He has been getting tons of press and the stupider the shit he says is, the more seriously they take him. My guess is we are in store for more of his pathetic brand of nazisim, until the GOP finds someone smart like Sarah Palin to speak on their behalf. Seriously, if sending a hate mongering, drug addict to spread the failed gospel of supply side economics is the only way the GOP can get noticed, then I think we can look forward to having BO in the white house until 2016. My idea is this; since the dems have finally decided to take their candidates seriously and have finally figured out the need to have a charismatic, intelligent person lead the party, why don't we ignore the fat stupid fuck and just wait until the GOP figures this out too for themselves. That way we can expend energy on serious things like fixing our economy, terrorism, the environment you know, the things that if we don't fix now will keep our country in the ruined state that the GOP has left it in. Judging by who they chose to head the RNC this week, they are nowhere near figuring it out. You can't just wheel out any black guy, republicans; he's actually got to be someone worth giving a fuck about.

One More Day Bitches!

2009-01-19T11:00:00.001-08:00

Can you feel the change? It's already starting. I'm changing and so are you. My god, the change is everywhere! Everywhere, I tell you! There is change and so much of it that I am choking on the change. Oh my god, I think I have had so much change that I have change diarrhea. I'm leaking change out of my ass!
All seriousness, thank god the fucking Bush years are over. 22% approval rating as he heads back to Tejas and the dark master of misery, Cheney, only has a 13%. This tells me that the last 8 years of suffering; the war, economy, constant attacks against the constitution, immigrants, homosexuals, single mothers, poor brown people, the middle/working class, the environment, has all been a big waste of fucking time. If we had at least attacked those things intelligently and with the purpose we might have solved a couple of them. Instead, we are stuck deeper in the hole than ever. As an ex-republican (I swear here and now I will never under any conditions vote for another one) who did not vote for him either time (I saw the evil in his heart a long way off) I can honestly say that the republicans, or should I say the kooks who have taken charge of the party; the Sarah Palin, Romney, Jesus freaks and white supremacist, supply-siders, have done so much irreversible damage to the GOP that I would advise that they get rid of it completely and start again with something completely different. How bout' the "we ruined the country and took a big shit on the constitution, but promise we won't be so bad at it next time" party. That might not fit on a ballot, but the shoe certainly fits. Happy Trails mother fuckers, it'll be a long cold day in hell before I ever take a Republican candidate seriously again. And they're still groaning about how we need more tax breaks for rich people if we are going to get out of this reccession. What fucking joke!

Please Make Him Stop!!!

2008-12-28T20:23:00.001-08:00

I thought I was going to give the blog a break this week, but then I saw this little beauty.
Ok, let me just say this I understand the need to secure "fuck you" money. The fact is that it's only natural to want, as an artist, to be able to tell the world to kiss to kiss your ass. Chappelle did it and god bless him for it. But, this is too much. Lucas has gone to far and for several years now he has been asking for a fan revolt and the last straw for me has been the clone wars cartoon, where Anakin is lovingly referred to as "Sky-guy" by his padawan. FUCK THAT! HE'S DARTH FUCKING VADER, MAN! Seriously, it's too much and those dudes from South Park got it right. We can't, as much as we love all the guy has done in the past, allow the repeated violation of all those things that we loved and held sacred as children. You wouldn't stand by and allow some asshole to take a shit on the statue of liberty and charge money to see it, would you? Of course not. So, I am done with Lucas and I ask you to take a stand with me. That's it, no more and never again. I will not purchase, view, accept anything that has the Lucas brand ever again.
This is war. And I am on the side of the righteous and will defend the integrity of my boyhood idols and heroes. The Lucas is an enemy of all of those who hold the Star Wars universe sacred.
These are the terms for his unconditional surrender:
1. Effective immediately he is to relinquish all control of Lucas Arts to a board, which will have as governing members, no less than two fans who will have no interest in making money off of the Lucas brand or it's products.
2. The Lucas will have to produce, out of his pocket and with no compensation (all proceeds going to charity) three more Star Wars movies covering the events after the "Return of the Jedi". There will be no:
a) cute little fuzzy creatures
b) smart ass fuzzy creatures
c) big Hollywood stars
d) outrageous CG effects (show the the world you can still make a great sci-fi movie without them!)
3. The Lucas will issue an apology for and commit to never again selling more than one version of any Star Wars action figure and will never, ever sell peripheral characters, I don't give a fuck if you want to relive the cantina scene, you can do what we did and draw them on cardboard.
4. Finally, The Lucas will have to battle a rancor with only a skull in a huge sandpit. If a rancor is not available, a pack of wild hyenas will do the trick.
I proclaim that from this day forth all fanboys are created equal and that once the Lucas has been defeated and peace restored to the galaxy we shall hold a big party throughout the galaxy and the fucking ewoks will not be invited and Jar Jar Binx will be used as a pinata. May the Force be with you. Always.

By the Num3ers

2008-12-28T20:17:00.001-08:00

That looks like an office and it's supposed to. But, in reality it is the set of the FBI office in Numb3rs. If you haven't seen it then please do so, it's a kick ass show and it's got math. Cool math though, like in a PI kind of way not Pointdexter who wouldn't let you cheat off him in Algebra kind of way. I am busy and so are you, so check again next week, but stay angry.

DOUCHE-BLAG

2008-12-10T10:55:00.000-08:00

For many years that there were grumblings about his corrupt ways; his father in law, his associates and campaign contributors. But, Blago kept up his routine of being the handsome, young, energetic dude that speaks really well in public (I've seen him on at least three different occasions). That whole Kennedy thing was really going well for him. I recall, in true Chicago politics style, liking the guy so much I had to go out and vote for him twice in the same election. Seriously, when I voted for the guy I felt that a new day was dawning in IL state politics. It seemed to me that that piece of shit Ryan was about to get his just desserts, which he did and Blago was going to fix things, which he didn't. I think like most people, who saw his potential to be great, not just for IL, but for the country (presidential bid, cough, cough) we turned a blind eye to the hi-jinx that he was being accused of and just wrote it off to his critics trying to set him up or tear him down. We liked him, we wanted him to do well because he is a son of the working class; he was the neighbor's kid that went to college. Well, guess what? We were wrong and as it turns out BLAGOJEVICH IS THE MOST CROOKED MOTHER FUCKER IN THE HISTORY OF POLITICS! That's right. What he has "allegedly" done is worse than anything Nixon did and for those of you who are keeping score, Nixon, not Bush, was the worst politician in American history until Blago went and got himself nicked. This beats that Larry Craig or Mark Foley biz all to hell. And surprise, surprise Jesse Jr. is balls deep in it too. You heard it here first: Judy Barr Topinka is going to get indicted before all the ash settles; she has a long, scary, history that is about to come back to haunt her in the worst way, I just know it!
What the hell was he thinking? I don't' care if he is found completely innocent of all charges. In my book he fucked up when he went to Republic Windows and & Doors, pledged his support for those workers then turned around and said "fuck them" on tape. Piece of shit Blago, I hope they give him a cell mate with a 10.5 incher and a bad case of satyriasis; maybe one of those Aryan types who can make no distinction between Slavs and Jews. "I want to make money" too, just like most everybody, but the difference between us and assholes like "Rod-O" is that he is willing to do whatever it takes to make a dime including, shitting on the public trust and taking the support of the people for granted. For this there will never be enough jail time served. For this he deserves to sit in a cell until his balls rot off. The only good news out of this whole thing is that we don't have to listen to what a piece of shit Sarah Palin is for wearing expensive clothes. If we are smart we will take this as an opportunity for soul searching and the catalyst for a good cleansing of the American political conscious. I suppose we should not have expected any better from a jack-off who was a law clerk for Ed Vrdolyak.

Ed Hardy ; The Tommy Hilfiger of Tomorrow

2008-12-07T22:56:00.000-08:00

Over priced, LA douchey-boy (and girl) street gear has migrated from the boutique to a department store near you. Ed Hardy is worn by two types: people too chicken shit to get a real tattoo and people who are ashamed of the ink they actually have. If you get the douche chills whenever you see a rhinestone covered skull with sequins daggers through it, you have the king of douchery, Brett Michaels to thank. How do you take something as scary, counter-culture, and down right kick ass as a tat and turn it into something that bored housefraus pay top dollar for? You take a worn out purveyor of their teenage masturbatory daydreams and make a bunch of aged, trailer park, skanks chase him around the boob tube for a couple of seasons. The sad thing is that there is an Ed Hardy in Frisco who does some rad work. Sadly enough, those pathetic rags are a warning that getting noticed for being bad ass at what you do can be a two edged blade. Along with fame and glory comes the risk of having 40 year old jack-offs own and advertise your life's work which, if history is a good indicator, can only lead to to your downfall as an artist and being heckled in public. Maybe some mad genius out there wants to do the world a favor and devise a tattoo removal laser that will turn to ash the trucker caps, boots, jeans, hoodys, dildos, bongs and whatever other tzotchkes they slap those cliche'd "bad boy" designs on. Imagine a miniature death star, but instead of taking out whole planets, it zaps the universe clean of middle-aged, ass wipes.

Way Off Target

2008-11-27T12:04:00.000-08:00

There is nothing worse than a young horny man, except for maybe a young horny man working a cash register. If it turns out that the young man also has Aspergers Syndrome http://www.webmd.com/brain/autism/mental-health-aspergers-syndrome, then look for somewhere else to shop. The story:

Windex, Windex... where's the fucking Windex, Windex... Voila'! I head to the register and see a wide open one with a pretty brunette working the keyboard and laser scanner. Her candy shelves are a bit disorganized, but she's sweet enough, though not for sale, and I decide to make a b-line for her lane. A Mexican family of 16 with four carts full of everything from power tools to white patent leather shoes, cuts me off and the pretty brunette frowns and sighs and stands erect to greet them with a smile that's only worth 7 bucks an hour. Goddamn Mexicans. I don't see any rubbers in that cart. I move on. My only other choice is a lane where the cashier is leaning against her arm and the flashing white light above her lane announces to her Target puppet masters, Help me... the shit has hit the fan... help me... This asshole doesn't want the hemorrhoid creme after all... help me... people are no longer staring down at their feet and are starting to give me mean looks... help me! A light above a register comes on. I move quickly and almost make it to the freshly opened register before a strawberry blond with tiny, scattered, moles all over her neck and cheek cuts me off with a cart full of merchandise. I wonder to myself, if I lick those little buggers will they come off her neck? She stares down at her cart and starts unloading travel sized tooth paste, shampoo, conditioner, soap, Tampax. She's going on a trip, so she must be in too much of a rush to see that all I have is a bottle of Windex. Goddamn white girl. I don't see any rubbers in that cart. She's standing in front of her cart and bending forward to reveal that the tiny moles stretch further down her anatomy than I thought and they accentuate the tight curves of her 20 something breasts. The flashing light goes solid and the smiles come back to the people in the frenzied cashier's lane, but I decide to stay put for the obvious perverted reasons. The blip of the scanner brings the blonde's show to an end and she pulls forward to the cashier who has obviously taken notice of the tiny moles himself. He's a young descendant of Incan warriors with dark skin and a repaired cleft palate and from the look on his face I can tell he needed to get laid desperately. He is busy devouring the eye candy when he notices me watching him, Goddamn pervert. I don't see any rubbers in your future.
"Hey aren't you Hurley from Lost?" His asshole must have been cleft as well. The blond laughs and I notice the crows feet on the corners of her eyes.
"No, man. I ain't Hurley. Are you Ernie from Sesame Street?" The blond laughs even harder.
He ignores the counter-punch,
"I bet you get that alot."
"Never heard it before now." The blond senses the annoyance in my voice and wipes the smile off of her face with a hand and stares at the cashier who is revealing a rotted tooth and the cruel effects of dyspepsia on enamel.
"You never know around here. We got some Lakers living around here in Redondo. You should have just said 'yes'. You'd have people asking for your autograph and wanting to take pictures with you. You could even get the ladies that way." He motions to the blond with the feminine hygene spray he had just scanned through and she looks at him through squinted eyes; Im not that easy, asshole.
I waste no time asserting my masculinity, "I have my hands full as it is." The blond turns and looks at me like I'm the new asshole in her life and the cashier goes back to scanning her goods.
"You're going on a trip. I can tell." He holds up a tooth brush case and the blond smiles and nods. "Tommorrow," she says. The cashier nods and smiles back and keeps scanning.
I think of the misery this young girl is in for and decide to rub it in, "Tommorrow? You're flying tommorrow? That's completley mental. How can you fly on Thanksgiving?" The blond sighs and smiles and gently shakes her head, "I'm going to Vancouver. We don't have Thanksgiving in Vancouver."
I begin to wonder if there is truth to those blond jokes I've heard, "Yeah, but there's LAX to deal with."
"Do you think it will be bad?" There has to be truth to those jokes.
"Uhh... yeah!" Maybe I was trying to relate to her or maybe my anger at "Ernie the Incan scanner God" had lowered my IQ a few points, but in either case I took notice that I had just turned into a 16 year old suburban, mall-rat.
"I used to work there. I should know." The kid wasn't giving up on his "conveyer belt" sex fantasy that easily.
"Oh? they have a Target there?" The blond chuckles softly at my cock blocking effort.
She asks, "So, you think they will be busy?"
"Well... Let's just say..." The kid trails off and his lack of a quick wit makes for an awkward moment of silence.
"I think the word 'yes' is what you're looking for." The blond looks confused, how did he know what the other guy was trying to say? He must read minds.
"Yeah. You're going to be busy tommorrow."
"Oh wow! Well, I got a lot of packing to do. I guess I better go earlier than I had planned."
The cashier smiles and hands the blond her reciept, "You have a great trip."
"Thanks," the blond eagerly rushes off to get ready for her ride on the big, magic, shiny tube.
The cashier's smile has faded. He reaches over, scans my Windex and without any joy says, "$2.82".
I see the sadness in his face. The girl left without loving him or giving him a phone number or offering to take him to Vancouver with him. He would stay at that stupid register and scan and turn the panic light on when he ran out of nickels. He would go home and jerk off and think of those tiny moles and wish he had a pretty girlfriend who laughed at his jokes. I felt like an asshole for having tried to belittle him in front of his dream girl.
I handed him three dollars, "Here you go, man."
"Eighteen cents is your change. Thanks for shopping Target... Hurley."

The Morning After

2008-11-23T15:45:00.001-08:00

Now that the election is over and I have had a few moments to have sobered up after the one of the greatest victories in history, I can write a short entry here to say what a great thing it is that BO won. It was one of the quickest victories I had ever seen, with McCain conceding his loss only a few short hours after the polls closed. It's great that Barack won and I can't tell you how awesome it feels to be an American again. I am so proud of this country and yes, I admit it, I got a lump in my throat and felt emotional when it was announced that he won the race. Speaking of race did you notice that the highest concentration of McCain votes were in the Southern enclave of racist idiots known as the bible belt? hmmm? Anyway, it is a great thing to see our country put it's money where it's mouth is and we can claim a great thing now. Name another country where a member of an impoverished minority, became the top dog? It's never happened anywhere else, not any socialist or communist country (Evo and Hugo were not members of a minority group, before you start sending me corrections). It is time for hard work, intellectualism and ingenuity not just profit driven production to assume
it's rightful place in the American landscape. We can go back to making fun of numbskulls who think that libraries are stupid and that jesus rode dinosaurs 6 thousand years ago when the earth was created. Now just one question; if we were voting for change, why so many goddamn Clinton people in the incoming administration and why is there now talk about BO going back on his promise to make the rich pay their fair share? Somebody hand me a bloody mary, I got a feeling I'm going to have to pay even closer attention to this administration than I did Bush.

Not This Time, Bi-otch!

2008-11-02T11:00:00.000-08:00

It's Over Johnny! It's Over!
No shenanigans, no recount, no hanging chads, No robocalls, no commercials with ominous black guys that want to gut you while you sleep, no heavily mascaraed Sec. of State, no supreme court, NOTHING! Do you hear me? Nothing, will stop us. We are taking back this country! No bullshit is going to stop the eminent victory of Barack Obama on Tuesday! GET YOUR ASS TO A VOTING BOOTH ON TUESDAY AND DO NOT DELAY! Now all we will need is the 60 super majority and this country can start the long trek back to decency that we have been missing for the last 8 years.
NOTE: If they let us down this time, they have no excuses. They have been given the tools, the power and the political collateral to change things for the better. If they screw up it is their fault, not ours! The Dems have the world by the balls. I just hope they don't do the typical liberal thing and start infighting and openly criticising each other; unity must be their game plan. Cuz if they blow it, I swear I will not hesitate to go back to voting Republican.

Raise Your Hands Part Deux

2008-10-15T12:30:00.000-07:00

Some of you have been hatin' on me since my first post concerning race relations and this election. As usual, I predicted this would get racial and ugly before long. Calling BO a "Terrorist" and saying "he's an Arab" are just the beginning of this depravity. I'm not angry at white folk. I repeat, when the race war starts, if you have been cool with me, I will vouch for you. However, I believe that this is a pivotal moment for y'all. The fact that even die hard conservatives like Chris Buckley, who was probably taught to read "Conscious of a Conservative" before he was potty trained and beaten with the hardcover when he didn't "Get it Right", are all abandoning ship, should tell you something; It's time to admit that you are having a hard time with a black dude as president. What more do you need? Let's break this down. You have an old man, with a shitty temper and a penchant for making shittier decisions, who has chosen to run for presidency with a slow witted weasel with a fast and untrustworthy tongue. She, who makes Bush look like a Rhodes Scholar, has decided to avoid giving any honest answers on the campaign trail, instead choosing to use inflammatory language to scare people. The result of all of this has been one disastrous campaign stop after the other for McCain and it appears that BO will win by a major landslide, and his party will gain a SUPER majority in both houses. You have a great opportunity here, if you are white and are hellbent on voting for McCain. You can face the truth and come to terms with your fears or you can continue fooling yourself into believing that McCain is the candidate you have been waiting for all your life and the one man who will best represent you in Washington. You will be part of a historic campaign regardless of who you vote for. My only hope for you is that you will be on the right side of history.

"Shakespeare For Everybody"

2008-10-05T19:14:00.000-07:00

I'm baaaaaaaack.
Just started skool. This makes me Kool.
The rest of the kids can drool.
Thank god I ain't no fool.

I got nothing else.

Lot's of work. Lot's of reading. This insomnia is going to kill me.

Must... write... play.
Must... write... story.
Must... write... more....

It has been a tough first week. But, very rewarding. I'm with writers, doing writer things. I am a writer, doing writer things. Mostly writing and talking about writing and films and culture and movies and all the stuff I like to talk about with friends when I'm out drinking. Except, now I get paid and there is no beer involved unless it's after class. I can't wait for next semester; a media class that involves the role of video games in pop culture. My nipples just got hard.
Favorite question: So, what's your genre??
Favorite answer: Whatever comes out, man!
Will check in again soon. Maybe after I have first act down and at least 15 pages of descriptive narrative.
Writing the blog is a fucking reward?? HAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!
I've fucking lost it, AND IT'S ONLY THE FIRST WEEK. HAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

End Scene

It's over Johnny... It's Over!!!

2008-09-27T13:07:00.000-07:00

So much for the shoddy stunt work McCain tried to pull earlier this week. He returned to Washington after suspending his campaign, because he was going to save us all from the mess he had help to create back in the 90s. What a bunch of bullshit. Like we're that stupid. What could you expect from a guy who picked Sarah Palin to watch his back. By the way, is she ever going to be allowed to say anything to anyone on any subject. She totally hosed her interview with Katie Couric. Considering that Palin won't be talking to anyone else, something she needs to do in order to sharpen her senses, between now and her scheduled debate with Biden, I seriously doubt she's going to be impressive either. Watch closely folks, this is what happens when a politician compromises his beliefs for power. What a train wreck that campaign has turned out to be. Far worse than I could have imagined it. It's sad to see a guy like McCain fall flat on his ass. Especially since he might break his hip. The debate was his last opportunity to bring some mojo back to his campaign and he totally blew it. If I sound like i feel bad for McCain, I do. I actually liked him in 2000 and would have voted for him because he was moderate and at that time a real maverick. Now he's just another rich, old, white guy who wants to be president.

I Want to Watch it All Come Down.

2008-09-22T20:28:00.000-07:00

Now I'm not one to gloat or say I told you so, but if you read my blog back in March you were well prepared for the fiasco that has taken place on Wall street. Henry Paulson, GWB's man on point, has screwed the pooch. He did what was expected of a Bush appointee. Last week he tells us everything is cool and that the market is going to recover. This week of course, he has to come out and admit that everything is fucked and we are headed towards the worse crash since the great depression. Now, I'm not an economic genius. In fact, I can't balance my checkbook. But I know when I'm being bullshitted. Apparently some folks out there aren't as good at detecting bovine turds, because so many of them signed up for mortgages that they very clearly could never afford, to live in homes they had no way to afford; that we taxpayers are going to get screwed once again. Paulson, wants to save the economy by making us pay for the greed and stupidity that Wall street has been engaging in since the days of Bill Clinton (best Republican President, ever!). Of course, he also wants us to cover the pay offs to the millionaire fuck heads who have been stealing and ruining the company's that we now have to bail out.
Personally, the way I see it they owe us money. Guys like Ken Lay (may demon dogs tear at his soul for eternity) were just the tip of the iceberg and should have been a warning that the economic policies that loosened regulation on everything from banking, to trading, to paying corporate taxes needed to be revoked and those fat cats needed to be put under heel to avoid this very thing. If it were up to me people like Dennis Kozlowski (Tyco), Jeff Skilling (Enron) and now Daniel Mudd (Fannie Mae) and Richard Syron (Freddie Mac) would be dipped in chicken blood and thrown in a room with hungry badgers. Think about this, if you burnt the fries, spit in the burgers and pissed in the milkshakes your ass would be fired from any fast food joint. These thieving mother fuckers get million dollar bonuses for ripping off the American public and now we are supposed to give them money so they can keep doing it?? Not no, brothers and sisters; HELL NO!!!
So, how far are we from thunderdome? Assholes like Paulson and Bush think they are insulated. They may be right. But, you can be certain of one thing, as long as the world spins out of control, the pieces of shit who pull the strings have no place safe to hide for very long. The road is long but littered with burned out dune buggys and blood stained football pads. And McCain has the balls to say to us, "You wanna get out of here? You talk to me." That filthy bag of shit held Clinton's feet to the fire and forced him to sign the de-regulation legislation 10 years ago that started all of this. Fuck him! We do need another hero. Ok, enough Mad Max references. You get the point. We are in deep shit and we need accountability, regulation and above all to put an end to the root cause of this type of bullshit; the lie that the all America needs is greed.

All In Favor of McCain-Palin, Raise Your Hands

2008-09-14T12:48:00.000-07:00

Let's be honest for a moment. For as long as there have been political candidates there have been white men willing to exploit race; the Hispanic vote, Black vote, woman's vote etc...; we didn't make that shit up, they did. Candidates have had to sell not just their ideas, but what they were going to do for each of us as a group, however it is that we have identified ourselves. This has led to pandering by assholes who never keep any of their promises and always have an excuse for not pulling the trigger when it comes time to support legislation we ask for. Case in point, John McCain, like so many of his ilk, says that the Republican party is the party of inclusion and that he will bring about change. Ok, except that he voted against making MLK's birthday a national holiday. Another example is how those Cubans down in South Florida have been promised the head of Fidel Castro by every Republican in the state for the last 40 years. They just love the GOP down there, but those knuckleheads haven't seen one gray hair of that cocksucker's beard, yet.
So here we are at a point in human history where after having rich, white guys in gaudy ties ask us minorities for decades to support them, the tables are turned. And apparently some of crackers have a problem with this. It's really fucked up that you can't get over the fact that he's black.
We got a black dude that is running for the highest office and more important than the fact that he is black, he's one of us; a son of the working class. Forget that Muslim non-sense, it's not true. Forget the Tony Rezko connection, it's overblown. Forget Hillary, it's over and it's not his fault that she lost. This is a guy who came up from nothing. He had every road block imaginable placed in front of him and he still overcame; a real pull yourself up by the bootstraps kinda story that Americans love to hear.
I have to say this to people who won't vote for him; BO is the candidate of decent, hard working American men and women. He is clearly qualified, despite what you hear about his lack of years in the senate and has a sincerity about righting the wrongs of the last 30 years. McCain and Palin are more of the same; point blank! I don't recall seeing or hearing of a ticket being so fucked up in all my years of following politics, and I was around for Bush/Quayle (that was a fucking miracle for them). So, either you fall into that 30% category of die hard, Bush supporting, crackpots that think everything is just fine or you are a racist piece of shit at heart. I say this with no attempt at being glib or trying to anger anyone. I'm trying to shame you into realizing that you have an opportunity to prove race really doesn't matter to you and you are going to blow it. The fact is, that a vote for McCain, just like a vote for Bush in 00 and 04, is a vote against your own working class interests. Why would you vote against a guy that wants to bring jobs back to your community, lower your taxes and make the corporations finally start paying their fair share, put this country on the right track towards energy independence without doing more damage to the environment, make health care accessible and affordable? Seriously, if you are holding down a job making less then $250 a year, BO is your guy. And if you have a larger income then that, the fact is that under Bill Clinton (who's tax rate BO proposes to use on the MEGA WEALTHY) you didn't exactly suffer or starve and you made plenty of dough even though your taxes were SLIGHTLY higher(that's a genuine fact).
So, what other explanation can there be? "I just don't like/trust him"; I've heard that one. It's code for "He's black and he'll make us pay for all the bad shit we did." "He's too liberal"; that one's code too for, "He's black and he'll make us pay for all the bad shit we did." "He wants abortion/stem cell research/gay marriage"; that one's code for, "He's black and he'll make the homos make us pay for all the bad shit we did."
It's time for a reality check. Yes, he's black. But then, as the French say, if you are not an elitist belonging to the investment class of this country, SO ARE YOU (Petit Blanc is the term, look it up you lazy fucker)!
Get over it.
Still not convinced there is racism and divisive politics at play in this election? Thanks for making my point for me "Family Research Council". You bunch of backwards, redneck, scumbags.:
http://ap.google.com/article/ALeqM5hNafTsdlgbSZ8YMoFRDSgrVlEwGwD936205O0
Stiiiillll not convinced???? Palin quoted a declared and confirmed racist neo-fascist who wanted to see JFK murdered in her acceptance speech:
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/robert-f-kennedy-jr/governor-palins-reading-l_b_126478.html?view=print
Dude, no doubt about it; these people are fucked up.

He's Doing it Again...

2008-09-10T22:49:00.000-07:00

Fucking Ralph Nader, man! He's trying to ruin this country for his own gain once again. Apparently he is biting into BO's lead in a couple of swing states. I hate that fucking guy. I always have. I'm not falling for that working class super hero bullshit of his, he's a dickhead with too much time on his hands. He wrote a book about how some cars blow up. Big fucking deal! That was 40 years ago. I bet if you totaled up the number of corpses caused by those cars and the number of dead the Bush administration has been responsible for, you'd see a huge disparity. The difference is that AMC didn't kill people intentionally. Ralph Nader has the same blood on his hands as Bush because he refuses to fuck off once and for all. He really needs to let it go.
A letter went out via his website:

Dude,
Please do our country a favor and bugger off. You are a has been and you are going to ruin things again. Go play with your grand children or teach ESL classes at a rec center somewhere. I hate the two party system as much as you, but I hate republicans even more. For the sake of all that is righteous and decent about the American way of life and the future of our children, leave now and never come back.
I beg you,
VL Zamora
Torrance, CA

I await his response.

Grand Old Honky Party - Way of the Dinosaur

2008-09-07T19:42:00.000-07:00

Jesus Christ, have you ever seen so many old, white, mother fuckers in your life? It looked more like a crypt keeper convention than a political one. Seriously, they couldn't find a single person of color to speak or even put in the crowd? What ever happened to J.C. Watts of Oklahoma? They used to bring him out, smiling and waving, and he would convince white America that black people weren't all that bad. They would tout him as the future of the party and praise his conservative values. Maybe they were just thankful he never impregnated any white women or in any case it was all an act because now, apparently, the future of the party is a woman named Sarah Palin. She gave a boring speech, written for her by GOP operatives, that only a miserable housefrau could find inspiring. When she wasn't being cynical, lying about her record or tugging at the heart strings of over-eating housewives, she was giving us her one solution to every problem America has: drill, drill, drill. Terrorism, drill. Economics, drill. Global warming, drill. Painful rectal itching, drill. Truth be told, I couldn't help thinking about drilling while watching her mouth move. Every time she smacked or licked her lips I had an urge to turn her off and go watch my bukakke videos. And those eyeglasses reminded me of this fetish porn that I once watched where this librarian... ahem, I digress. Seriously, who cares if she's a total sex pot and a cougar? The woman is the fucking anti-christ and the worst choice for a sidekick since Judas, so don't let the little head punch the card in November just cause you'd like to bend her over the podium and pull her hair back while thrusting and grinding your hips into her over and over and over... ahem... sorry bout that!
McCain on the other hand gave the expected boring, horse shit speech. I can't believe this guy now has the balls to say he is all about change after spending 8 years voting in lock step with GWB. How full of shit is he?? Better yet, how stupid does he think people are? I have to agree with Peggy Noonan his choice for VP is political bullshit. He drew our attention for a couple moments and now that we have had time to look this ticket over it's obvious that she was picked because running against BO with McCain is going to be political suicide. In fact, running against the Dems this year, anywhere, is bound to be a career ender. I see gains in both houses for the Dems in every state and I'll just call it now; Obama by a landslide. If there is one thing I know about winning political campaigns it is that they are not about who comes out to vote, but who stays home the first Tuesday in November. McCain has given Republicans, moderates and even real conservatives (not the holy rolling, Rush Limbaugh, retarded nazi crowd that has taken control of the party) reason to play hooky that day.

A M.I.L.F. in Every Home!

2008-08-29T12:33:00.000-07:00

Put aside the fact that no one knows who the fuck Sarah Palin is outside of Alaska. Put aside the fact that she is the first Republican female vice president nominee, ever. Put aside the fact that she hates polar bears and wants to put an oil well on every square foot of Alaskan soil. Forget that she has been charged with ethical hijinx in her state since the beginning of her political career. The reality is that she is a hot piece of ass! Now I know that's not a very in-depth analysis or even very mature, but she is the first politician to ever give me wood. So, though I may be taking a big ol' shit on her over the next few weeks, I just want to go on record as giving credit to McCain, (just this once) for making a smart move. Let's face it, he threw us for a loop and has actually drawn attention to his campaign by picking Stiffler's mom as a running mate. Of course, once you actually look into her as a VP choice it turns out she's a fucking train wreck. I thought he was going to pick some old shriveled up piece of confederate cabbage for a running mate and instead he makes the brilliant decision to pick someone that would make any NASCAR fan drop trou in a moment. It's interesting, especially because it appears to confirm that in today's political climate you have to have a minority on the ticket. We should have a Chicano President any time now (ODELAY, RAZA!!!). I hear that Sarah Palin actually plays the flute. I wonder if she ever attended band camp?
By the way, did you see the "American Promise" speech BO gave on Thursday evening? If you didn't you really should. I'm a hard boiled political junkie and I am usually the first one to yell "Bullshit" when I hear it. But, this was just an amazing speech. It was reminiscent of Ronnie Reagan in the sense that, BO just laid it all out and made you feel good to be an American. He shot a few rounds over the bow of the "Straight Talk Express" and put those assholes on notice that he wasn't going to take any "Swift boat" bullshit from them. He showed that he is ready. Man, I can't wait until this guy is president!
http://my.barackobama.com/page/community/post/samgrahamfelsen/gG5l5C

This Probably Won't Help But...

2008-08-24T20:31:00.001-07:00

Would the Hillary supporters please shut this window and go read the Huffington Post or the NYT online. We'll wait, it's no problem... I'll be here next week with something funny or interesting to say that won't offend you... Ok, are they gone? Good. What a bunch of swollen pussies those people are. Can you believe them?? Jesus, She fucking lost get over it! What the fuck is wrong with those people?? It's like the fate of the fucking country is resting upon the ability of stupid children to learn how to share. Clearly these assholes don't have any sense of decency or loyalty. And I'm not talking about the Democratic party. I'm talking about human decency and loyalty to our country. Fuck the Democratic party. These days they're just as bad as the GOP and have clearly not learned a fucking thing from their nearly 14 year exile. Joe Biden is not exactly what I was hoping for. The guy has a great record but let's face it, he's not the CHANGE we are being told we can BELIEVE in. The problem with these Hillaristas is that they haven't got a sense of fair play. Kind of like Hillary. This coming election is about issues. McCain wants to keep us in Iraq for the next 100 years, Barack doesn't; McCain doesn't know how many houses he owns, Barack does; a McCain presidency promises to be an extended play of the same shitty, fascist agendas of the last 30 years, Barack clearly wants to shake things up a bit. So, why is it so hard for the Hillaristas to give it up, close ranks and move forward? I think examining who these fucking people are might be constructive. Let's see, for the most part they have been described as suburban, females with families of two or more that have white collar jobs or a husband who carries all the weight. In other words, they are the bored, clap traps that you see when you take a day off from work and go into a Target or Starbucks to hang out for awhile. You know, they have the work out clothes on, even though they don't go to the gym or they have the hottest new phones with earpiece, even though they're hands are always free because they DON'T DO FUCKING SHIT ALL DAY! Seriously, gals, you need to get a fucking life. Go work with blind kids or better yet volunteer to work a few hours a week on a political campaign. I hear there's this really great candidate named Barack that wants to make our country a better place, he could sure use the help. Vote for McCain? What the fuck is wrong with them? There's much more at stake right now then Hillary and Bill's tired ass agenda. If the constitution means anything to you, if sending young men and women to their deaths matters to you, if you think the common person who is struggling to keep their home is worth standing up for then, for fucks sake, how can you say you are a Democrat who intends to vote for McCain because it ain't Hillary? Jesus, get your fucking head examined!!!

UPDATE: This is a great link showing a couple of these nutcases in action. It's great to see a diseased mind fall apart on CNN:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FVHZHuyVeio

... Seen Eating Shit While he Fucked a Dead Goat.

2008-08-14T11:57:00.001-07:00

This asshole is Jerome Corsi. For those of you who don't know him he has a Ph.D from Harvard and is a right wing bigot who has written a number of trashy books used to spread lies about people, nations and institutions that he doesn't like. He uses innuendo to make his point and though i refuse to read the non-sense that his asshole publisher apparently doesn't have time to fact check, i understand that he uses alot of what right wing bloggers and fascist websites print as footnotes. This is the same guy who took a big shit on John Kerry a few years back. Since then, that book has been discredited and exposed for a pack of lies. Though sugar balls over here has already been called out and his lies have all been revealed, he has refused to go away. Now, he has a book on the NY Times best seller list, which attacks BO with lie after lie. He accuses BO of being a Muslim, and of having been a drug abuser while serving in the senate, just to name a couple of lies this douchebag is trying to spread. You know all those fucked up emails you get accusing Obama of being everything short of a child molester? Basically, this fucking jag off uses those for research in this book. He does stuff like accuse BO of having connections to violent, radical, left wing organizations like the Weather Underground. When challenged, as he was by Paul Waldman of Media Matters on Larry King, he quickly backs down by saying things like, "I'm just asking the question"; what an asshole! How this idiot got published is no mystery. Simon and Schuster is no different than most publishing houses, in that they see $ as a priority over literary integrity. The saddest thing about this is that there are enough idiots out there that want to believe this garbage that they will buy this asshole's book, regardless of what a bunch of bullshit it is or the fact that the author is a joke in the literary and academic world. So, next time you see, "Obama Nation" on the book stand just keep walking because I heard that the author was high on PCP when he wrote it and that he was actually seen by some mongolian tourists jamming a 14 inch red dildo up his ass and blowing an asian lady boy on his dead mother's grave while, cutting off the heads of Mexican babies and eating their brains. Or it could have been another guy; I'm just asking the question could it have been him????

Wait... Aren't They All a Bunch of Commies???

2008-08-11T00:40:00.001-07:00

This is the danger in fighting illegal wars. Here's a news flash: The U.S. has always struck preemptively. It's the way we have always done things. The gun boat diplomacy that destroyed harbors and port cities from Korea to Hawaii and everything in between since after the civil war, was just that; unjustifiable aggression in the name of open markets, territorial acquisition or just plain ol' shits and giggles. What sets these past acts of of arrogance apart is that we did them on the down low. We made ourselves out to be the victims or we made the argument that we were trying to bring the savages up to speed with the rest of the Western world or we just denied involvement and used money and covert action to stack the deck in our favor. This brings us to our current situation. We were warned that we would forever lose the moral high ground that the US has always been able to maintain, despite our past, if we invaded Iraq. Now it seems that the Russians are out to kick some ass in their own backyard. This isn't Chechnya where there was a credible threat and an argument could be made that the region's resources were of great importance to the Russians. This is Georgia; who aside from having a long history of pissing off Moscow, isn't really much of a threat. They are out-numbered, out-gunned and despite appearing to be holding their own (thanks, i should add, to their US military training) in the face of a brutally violent invasion, are bound to have their asses handed to them in this conflict. The Russians are using the old Rhineland defense for the invasion; "those are our people. We will protect them at all costs." And the rhetoric sounds the same as that of Washington prior to our invasion of Iraq (regime change, accusations of ethnic cleansing and ignoring the world's criticism). There was a time when we would have threatened to invade Russia, moved some troops around in Turkey, sent in a couple of carrier groups and the Russians would have shit and run. Now, things are different. We have a president that is a joke and a military that is bogged down in two unpopular and illegal (YES, ILLEGAL) wars. The Russians are now fighting their own war against terrorism and have called our bluff. Our initiative is lost. We cannot aid an ally. Our stock has dropped once again. Anyone still feel like voting for John McCain? Anyone still feel like voting?

For the Record... FUCK CHINA!

2008-08-05T01:05:00.001-07:00

Here's a fucked up little tidbi;, George Bush refused to set foot in Greece at the last Olympics. GREECE, you know, birthplace of democracy and the home of saganaki (yum). Yet, he's proudly announced that there is no way he would ever miss out on the opening ceremonies of the Beijing Olympics. China, excuse me COMMUNIST China, is the worst, modern police state in the world. They have forced labor of children, imprisonment of social, political and religious activists, many of whom are sentenced to death and they have illegally occupied a sovereign nation for several decades, not to mention that they spy on their people in a way that would make that whole telecom thing look like a booger in my moo-shu. I know the Dalli Lama is full of shit. If he were restored to power he'd create his own little theocratic dictatorship, so fuck him too. But, for Christ's sake, China excuse me COMMUNIST China, has one of the worst human rights records on the planet and has for decades. Forget all that bullshit Lou Dobbs talks about these commie bastards trying to take over the world and destroying the middle class of our country. Our country's middle class has worse enemys trying to destroy it, including that biggoted asshole. Forget that the Chinese are so backwards that they honestly believe that the cure for everything from acne to Aids is powdered animal penis (I'd hate to be anything with fur and testicles in that country). China, excuse me COMMUNIST China, is one of the worst places on the planet to live if you have an opinion. I would be in prison right now if I had been born Chinese. That's because only the scared and the stupid can get by in a place like that. So, for every one of those people in their country that can't say it, I'll say it for you, FUCK CHINA!!!
I know we don't play fair when it comes to our trading practices; America plays the victim all the time when it comes to making money. We fuck people all over the world and pretend zero accountability is our birth right. It's been that way since we traded 12 beads for all of Manhattan Island. I know it and if you have been reading me long enough, so do you. But, China, excuse me COMMUNIST China, with the help of it's enablers like the Bush administration and money hungry corporations like Walmart, have been fucking not only Americans, but their own people as well. Last I checked the Chinese were among the worst paid, worst protected, most injured and killed on the job site and least skilled or educated workers world wide, thanks to their own government. So, for those of us who haven't got the balls to say it, I'll say it, FUCK GREEDY AMERICAN CORPORATIONS AND POLITICIANS! China, excuse me COMMUNIST China has a long way to go before it is deserving of the presitge and respect that comes with hosting the Olympics, at least in my book. But, then it shouldn't surprise anyone that these crafty, little, commie, fuckers are pulling this off; they've managed to deceive the American public into buying their shitty, mass produced, poison-laced, fire hazardous, plastic garbage for decades. Oh wait, that's Walmart isn't it? Who can tell the difference these days??

The War is Over... If You Ignore it

2008-07-21T15:08:00.001-07:00

History has a way of repeating itself. Posters like this one were used as propaganda in war on all sides of the fight. The Nazi's showed us as weaklings. We showed them as barbarians. You get the picture. Though the one seen here is obviously a parody, what they try to do is drive people into categories; those that are with us, or those that are with the enemy. GW's legacy will be that he pushed our nation into these categories more than any other person in the history of our country. While the wars rage on and people are being ground up, our constitution is being tampered with in ways that the founding fathers would find revolting. Remember the FISA fiasco that took place for nearly two years before anyone even noticed? Yeah, the one that gave the government the right to tap your phone without permission or probable cause. Well, while you continued to worry about who wears what lapel pins, the Department of Justice came up with another brilliant little plan to use the constitution as toilet paper. It seems that waterboarding might be an option soon for anyone who decided to be born of Middle-East decent. The headline says it all:
"Terror profiling without evidence considered in U.S."
Read the whole story here:
http://www.usatoday.com/news/washington/2008-07-02-terror-profiling_N.htm
No really, please read it. It's disturbing. From what I have seen the only paper interested in printing the story is USA Today. Don't worry if you are too busy to read it, get angry, call a senator or write GW a letter wishing him good ridance . The media ignored the FISA story and they will ignore this one also. Now, if they would only ignore the war in Iraq and Afghanistan. Oh, I forgot. They already do.

A Bad Week For Assholes

2008-07-14T00:31:00.000-07:00

That evil, pigfucking, racist, bag of shit Jesse Helms is finally dead. If there is a Satan, he is being gang raped in hell by some of the innocent victims of his pathetic ideology. Don't feel bad for that asshole and don't think that just because he is dead he deserves to be remembered as a saint. Aside from his constant attacks against people of color, homosexuals and intellectualism he was a hypocrite of the highest caliber who said in an interview, as recently as 1981, "crime rates and irresponsibility among Negroes are a fact of life which must be faced". Not in 51', 81'. Fuck Jesse Helms and Piss on his memory! My one hope is that in years to come his gravesite is used as a place where weary travelers going through that shit-hole state of North Carolina can relieve their bowels and bladders.
The next asshole is no less full of shit but of the same ilk as Helms. Fellow Republican and shit bag extraordinaire Phil Gramm called us (Yes, US, you and ME) a nation of whiners. Now, I might be inclined to agree with him if he were talking about millenials or professional baseball players, but his comments were directed at us because we little people think that $5 gas, a million fore-closed houses, rampant unemployment, a looming banking crisis' and fighting 2 illegal wars at the same time is bullshit. Of course, in typical fuck-face fashion he back peddled and said he wasn't talking about Mr. and Mrs. America. Bullshit! He showed his true colors and I suspect that he voiced the opinion of the common Republican in that diseased, whorehouse we know as the U.S. Congress. Fuck Phil Gramm and shit on John Mccain for having a douche bag for an economics expert on his election team. Gramm deserves to be stripped naked and be eaten alive by rabid hyenas.
Lastly, Jesse Jackson. I kinda like Jesse. He was a guy who stuck his neck out and took alot of shit so that his people could move forward. I admire that. But, there was a time that a political or social leader ran things then they went away and let the young, motivated lions fight the fight. Of course, Jesse is an asshole for saying that Barack talks down to black people when he asks them to practice personal accountability. Personal accountability is good thing for all. But, who then am I angry at? The stupid, fucking, jagoffs at FOX that have targeted Barack Obama with racist rhetoric, a relentless character assassination campaign and rhetorical thugery of the worst kind. Fuck FOX, especially Bill "Loofah" O'Reilly, for using underhanded, scumy tactics to try and derail the democratic process. Yeah, Jesse said some stupid bullshit, but the fact that he was whispering to the guy sitting next to him speaks to the fact that it was a private conversation and O'Reilly, true to his shitbag form, used the video to try and embarass Jesse and Barack.
What a bunch of fucking assholes one and all!

Legalizing Murder

2008-07-01T14:56:00.000-07:00

It's always Texas, isn't it?
Some old codger went and killed two dirt bags who were stealing shit from his neighbor's house. Now, I'm all for people owning guns and protecting their shit and their lives (and their shitty lives), but this is fucked up. Apparently the law in Texas allows people to go around shooting anyone who comes on to their property. That's about all there is to it. If someone doesn't like you and you step onto their property they can kill you! Of course, the reasonable assumption is that you would have to be committing a crime at the time, but dead men tell no tales. So, 62 year old Joe Horn decided that he was going to go out on his front porch and shoot a couple of guys IN THE BACK, Texas vigilante style! I'm sorry but something isn't right here. No grand jury indictment?? At least, at the very fucking least, there should be a felony "unlawful use of a weapon". I don't understand this. The DA in that part of Texas must be a real inept turd to get this thrown out without so much as a fine. The fact is that the guy killed 2 people and there isn't going to even be a trial to make sure he was justified??? No facts will be brought forth to show that he SHOT TWO PEOPLE IN THE BACK? Jesus, I suppose we should expect this from the state that gave us the worst president EVER. What a shitty place Texas is. They have some of the most poverty stricken counties in the United States, they allow drugs and illegal immigrants to pour through their border and they have some of the worst social services in the country and let's not forget that they execute more people on death row then all the other states combined. Bestiality is legal but, gay sex (consensual) isn't in Texas. Jesus, what a sad place, you can fuck your horse but not your cowboy. Only in a hell hole like Texas would it be o.k. to shoot people IN THE BACK. I mean let's face it, on every corner of the planet shooting people in the back is an act of cowardice or terrorism and it's been that way since there were guns. Apparently, in Texas it's good law.

Pussy Farts!!

2008-06-23T15:43:00.000-07:00

This was supposed to be a happy post cuz it's my 101st but then George Carlin up and dies. He really was my hero. I used to watch him from when I was a kid and got to see him live for the first time last year. It was a weird thing to see someone who had been as self destructive as he was, bring so much happiness to people. I felt a prophetic urge to see him because i figured that it was only a matter of time before we lost him and now I don't feel so bad about blowing the $80 to have seen him. He was a God among maggots and hacks who weren't fit to call themselves comedians. Even Kinison, as amazing and talented as he was, still was no George Carlin.
So, goodnight funny man and thanks for making it possible for idiots like me to be free to write Shit, Piss, Fuck, Cunt, Cocksucker, Motherfucker, and Tits, to our hearts content.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BTyzTJTNhNk&feature=related

The Begining of the End

2008-06-20T13:32:00.000-07:00

"President Bush said Friday that the bill "will help our intelligence professionals learn our enemies' plans for new attacks."" - From CNN 6-20-08

"Wherever he may be, asleep or awake, working or resting, in his bath or in his bed, he can be inspected without warning and without knowing that he is being inspected." - Orwell "1984"

Here's my advice to you faithful reader, cash in all of your chips. Sell your house and car, family pets, bongs and toilet seat collection. Take everything you can carry and GET OUT OF THE COUNTRY NOW!!! Either that or run out and buy yourself an AK-47 or Benelli 12 gauge pump. The house has just approved and the senate will shortly approve a bill that the grandson of a Nazi sympathizer desperately wants to sign in to law. This law will forever change the way we Americans communicate. You were not paying attention this week and they slipped this one right past you. This FISA update bill opens the door to all kinds of new legislation concerning our rights to privacy. Secret courts will determine your freedom from government snooping. The good news is that if enough people wake up to how shitty all of this is, we can reverse it in 2012 (fat chance). Until then, watch what you say on the phone when making domestic calls and you know that bomb throwing cousin of yours in Iran? Tell him to start sending you smoke signals because your rights to privacy are now worse than his.

Y'know it's Hard Out Here For a Pimp

2008-06-09T21:24:00.000-07:00

Have you seen this "Keeping up with the Kardashians"?? It crosses the line. Really, it's got to be about the most vile display of how low networks have sunk in an attempt to get ratings. I'm no prude by any stretch of the imagination. I am all for public decapitations, porno and even allowing Ann Coulter to show her disgusting, horsey, face on FOX now and again; but this show has got to be the most disturbing thing I have ever seen. First off, Robert Kardashian, you might remember, was OJ's lawyer and the guy that was suspected of having stashed the evidence from Nicole's murder. He died a couple years ago and the pig you see in the photo here is his former wife. She remarried, of all fucking people, Bruce Jenner; yeah, the breakfast champion that kids like me grew up worshiping for his ability to run like the wind and bring home the gold. What a let down that guy. First he chops off his face, now this.
It turns out the mom, Kris (piggy in the photo), is handling her daughter's business affairs and taking 10%; i speculate, that it includes whatever E! is giving them for their crappy reality show. Among the fascinating tidbits i saw, in the two episodes I braved, were this woman selling copies of a calendar that her daughter gave to her boyfriend, of herself, as a personal gift (without her knowledge or a cut of the action) and watching her convince her daughter to show her tits in Playboy while trying to jack "The Heff" for the "collector's item" soap in the mansion. As if there is enough soap in the world to wash off the egg she has on her face.
Really, I'm pretty tolerant of all kinds of disturbing behavior. I especially love it when the un-religious right gets a healthy dose of their own hypocrisy. There is nothing I can't stand more than a moralist... except maybe a relativist. E! and executive producer Ryan "Stuck in the Closet" Seacrest have given the world another example of why the filthy rich should be stripped of everything they own and sterilized without anesthesia. What good is all the money in the world when this is all you can contribute to our society? Aren't parents supposed to look out for their kids not pimp them out and rip them off? This piece of shit show normalizes the type of behavior normally only seen in wild animal shows or Greek mythology.
Yeah, I know just flip the channel. i got a better idea. I will start my own show where every week I, as your host, find the most horrible and wretched people i can think of. We kidnap them, bring them into the studio and in front of a live audience make them watch those starving African kids bloat up from hunger and die. We'll force them to watch polar bears drown as the ice caps melt. We'll have police come in and beat them senseless and frame them for crimes they didn't commit. We'll force them to eat Ramen noodles and ketchup sandwiches off of a cockroach infested kitchen floor. And at the end of the show, we take them and drop them off in the middle of a third world slum without money, passport or a way to get home. In other words, we'll give them a reason to act like human, fucking, beings again. Now that, is must fucking see TV!

2008 Douche Bag Awards

2008-06-01T18:18:00.000-07:00

The worse thing about 20 somethings these days is not that they are the most coddled, most self-entitled, know it all (but really know nothing), most spoiled miserable bunch of alienated mother fuckers ever. Instead, it is there uncanny ability to fool themselves into believing that the media they consume is new and original. Case in point this years pathetic display of ass-kissery and retarded behavior known as the MTV Movie Awards. If there is any proof that god holds mankind in contempt for it's frivolous nature MTV is it and the Movie Awards is the smoking gun evidence that he has abandoned us because of it. Besides having some of the most unfunny dialogue between presenters EVER, it had some of the most unfunny monologues EVER! Mike Meyers was a train wreck. Speaking of train wrecks; Will Smith humbling himself before the audience for being given what he must know is a meaningless award with his kid standing next to him rolling his eyes and tapping his fingers on the podium was sad. Poor Will Smith; first Bagger Vance now he's stuck raising a rotten kid. I was hoping that when he, Jason Bateman and Charlize Theron went on stage to give Ellen page an award an orgy would break out. Unfortunately, no one at MTV has my kind of foresight and good taste. It would have been nice to see Steve Carell, The Rock and Anne Hathaway do a human Chinese finger cuff at the very least.
Seriously, how the fuck can you make Will Farrell and Steve Carell unfunny? MTV did it! They have to have hired their writers from "unfunny fucks R us". Christ, those guys suck! They should have their reproductive organs removed with "gorilla glue" and an ice cream scooper, in order to ensure that they do not pollute the world with any more humorless douchey people. Off with their hands!
Coldplay... Jesus, how uninspiring can a rock performance get? I can't believe that guy gets to bone Gwyneth.
Speaking of shitty performances, will someone please have the "Pussycat Dolls" drawn and quartered?
The saddest moment of the night was watching Adam Sandler sing a song parody of "Nobody Does it Better" about himself. The "Sandman" put me to sleep. How the mighty have fallen.
Even the Wayne's World Reunion sucked. It was not party time and it was not excellent.
It was a star studded evening even though I'm not sure who most of the stars were? Rihanna, who was that chick sitting next to Chris Brown, looked like a pain in the ass and it didn't take much to be able to read her lips. Sorry honey, but your boyfriend is no Usher. Nothing says "classy" like Paris Hilton sitting with some homeless parolee. Speaking of stars who are not really stars (at least no one can tell me what makes them stars), I'm not sure who is more disturbed looking, Verne Troyer or Rumor Willis.
The only funny moment was Jack Black, Robert Downey Jr. and Ben Stiller making the viral video for the up coming "Tropic Thunder". I wasn't sure about going to see that movie, the thought of an actor performing in black face (Downey Jr.) is repulsive to me, but i genuinely feel like seeing it now based solely on that video.
Finally, big ups to the big winners of the evening:
"Step it Up 2: The Streets"
"Never Back Down"
"Zac Efron"
You are undeniable proof that the MTV Movie awards is the best place for the lowest and crappiest garbage out there to gain notoriety and tons of free advertising.
Stay Retarded you "Millenial" numb nuts.

Engagement

2008-05-27T23:40:00.000-07:00

"Lions for Lambs" wasn't a particularly good movie. In fact, though I'm certain Redford intended it to open dialog about the war, most people ignored it like they have "Redacted", "In the Valley of Ellah" and just about any movie drawing attention to the fact that we are embroiled in one of the largest military catastrophes in history. The movie does have one scene that I found intriguing. I thought the scene where the two protagonists of the movie were giving a talk on the idea of "Engagement" was about the only time I was interested in the film. That being engagement of our problems here at home. Not just being aware, but actually tackling the largest social ills our society has. No not, gays or abortion or any of the usual red herrings. Things like global warming, poverty, a failed school system; the stuff that if solved will be better for everyone, not just the usual bullshit you here from our candidates around election time. It's the only scene in the movie i thought to have a great message and that is that we all have to sacrifice for the greater good.
I have for some time believed that we need to make citizenship more than just a game of johnny tackle; y'know break the defensive line, touch the gate and your good till someone makes you stand on the line. I am perfectly willing to open the door to all immigrants willing to serve our country. But, I think that it's time that some of these right wing douche bags for freedom put their money where their mouths are. We make service to our country a condition for citizenship. Just like "Starship Troopers". You want to vote? You want access to benefits? You want a voice?? You serve!
I believe that every American should have to, in some way or another, serve this country. Americorp, military, peace corp, local or state government; something, anything that will cause Americans to value memorial day or the idea that you should not be entitled to live in this country and act like a slob towards people from other ones just because you were born here. It would be great to see Native American honkeys like Lou Dobbs try to weasel their way out of having to walk the line. What should count more than anything is what you are going to do for this country. Fuck Ayn Rand, Kennedy was right! So, when you see some dude hanging out in front of "Home Depot" or you get into a cab or the next time you are watching CNN, take a moment and ask yourself, "wouldn't it be better if that asshole was digging a latrine somewhere??"

Ironman, Ironman, Does Whatever an...Wait, That's Not Right

2008-05-18T23:01:00.000-07:00

Dude, I rarely go see a movie twice on the big screen, but Iron man definitely was worth the effort and $. It's one of the best comic book movies out there and if the next one has The Avengers in it, as is indicated by about 20 seconds of what looks to be the sequel shown at the end of the the film, then I will probably set up a tent to see it. That's what Hollywood needs, big action films that are only worth seeing on the big screen. Everything else is a waste of digital film. Robert Downey Jr. was a perfect Tony Stark and did the character justice. They really got this film right, now if only they had not fucked the video game up so bad. Jesus, they really screwed the pooch over at Sega this time! But, I really think it would be great if we could develop an Iron man to kick ass throughout the world. It would be much better than actually using Blackwater or the Marines. It probably wouldn't cost more than a six pack of F-22 Raptors to develop one (o.k. it probably would). Just think, next time we pre-emptively invade a country for not attacking us after having starved their people, destroyed their infrastructure and supported their homicidal dictator for decades, we can just send in the Iron man and really kick some ass!!

I Can Always Do Porn

2008-05-12T14:56:00.000-07:00

It has been a week since I made my decision and I feel little regret. Though I did have a hard time dealing with UCR last week with getting some of my shit together, I am looking ahead to my classes later this fall. I was thinking that if I had chosen to go to USC I might have ended up one of those poor saps that has to work for a living. 200K in the hole is no way to end up after finishing any art program. Of course the sure way to avoid cubicle life after film school is PORN. I may have missed out on shooting orgies, gangbangs, three ways, double penetration, scat, lesbian, bestiality and Japanese puke videos. Of course, one doesn't really need an MFA for such things but, in Hollyweird it's who you know and the connecs coming out of USC would most certainly have landed me at the very least a catering or best boy job on a future set of "Tranny Train vol . X". In any case I, in preparation for entering this writing program, will be working on a few projects that I have either abandoned or ignored due to a lack of enthusiasm. Of course, I will continue to publish this blog but, as I warned you last week, your days of free entertainment are numbered.

I'm a Writer!

2008-05-04T22:30:00.001-07:00

Besides the fact that film school was going to run me about 150-200k, that it was going to take up all of my time, that UC Riverside actually has offered me a fellowship that will pay for my graduate studies and a then some, besides having to spend the rest of my life working off my student loans if i chose to go to USC, ultimately I am a writer. It's what i do and if i may blow smoke up my own ass, I do it well. I will "what if" this decision for decades to come. I could have been a great director or editor or producer but, then i might have wound up like Troy Duffy and so many others that have been chewed up and spit out by the system. This was a logical choice
and one I am happy with. I'm not liking the 32 miles one way commute but, honestly the program has teeth; the classes i will be taking will be in everything from screenwriting to graphic novels. And the best part of all of this is that film school is not completely out of the picture (no pun). See, if i had committed to USC i would have most likely chewed up all financial aid and made life miserable for myself and family. This way I can nail down my MFA on the cheap from a respectable program and when done get into the USC film school's (super badass) Critical Studies Program; There is more than one way to skin a Trojan. So, wish me well and don't forget I will be a legit writer very soon and you will have to pay for the privilege of reading me call Billy Corgan a cocksucker or Ann Coulter a miserable piece of shit.

Samurai Slack

2008-04-19T15:22:00.000-07:00

Alright, you can all stop bitching now. I have posted my film on Google films, Youtube and here on my blog. CalArts saw this film and decided I was a good enough film maker to be put on their "short wait" list. So, before you write me to tell me that this film sucked, keep in mind that, this is the same school that Gendy Tartakovsky attended, which means that these people now a thing or two about cool Samurai. while i may value your opinion as a friend, the experts have spoken and they say it is good. Share it with your friends, enemies and family. I prefer you watch it on YouTube. My goal in life is to bump that "chocolate rain" guy off the most watched list or at least put the crying Brittany guy out of circulation.
Update: I'm sorry. This site blows for uploading videos. I tried 3X and failed. So, it's Youtube city babys. Hit the link to access the best samurai movie made since Toshiro Mifune swung a katana.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b-3pcaavpgY

Three Denials, Two Offers, One Destiny.

2008-04-19T14:02:00.000-07:00

I've got a huge burden on me now. I have before me denials from 3 programs that I applied to. Four, actually if you want to count the wait list i was put on. Both Literature programs that i applied to have shot me down. I guess I'm not literate enough. I'm bummed that U.C. Riverside's Lit. program didn't want me. They have the largest collection of Sci-Fi material in the country and I had some great ideas for teaching there. U.C. Irvine is clearly as pretentious a school as I imagined it to be. Someone told me not to waste my time because they only want people who have been published in their grad program. Flawless logic. Teach people who have already attained success in publishing, how to attain success in publishing?!?!!? Well, what the fuck do you call blogging?? Right?? Right?? Self-publishing! Anyway, CalArts, the most prestigious of the schools i applied to (any school that produced the creator of Samurai Jack, has to be top flight), actually put me on the short wait list. Some people might be bummed by this, but considering i don't know anyone, have no previous film making experience and the crotch i was yanked from was not lined in platinum, i was flattered. CalArts has impressed me as a cool (but ridiculously expensive) place to go to film school and clearly a great choice for the true artist. However, WAIT LIST MY NUTSACK!! I'm 37. Waiting is not an option. So, This brings us to the upshot. I have an offer from U.C. Riverside's Creative Writing program and get this, they actually offered me a fellowship that is going to pay for my schooling and give me a little extra something so i can hone my craft and not starve to death doing it. You might think this solves all my problems. However, I also had an interview with the world famous and ultra-prestigious USC School of Cinematic Arts. This is the same school where George Lucas, Ron Howard and John Carpenter learned to make films. It is a dream school and I would be nuts to pass it up. The problem is that it is way expensive and too many of the people that start their careers there, end up washing out their first year. So, i must make my decision soon and until i do it will be sleepless nights and internal fights. stay tuned.

Back to That Same Ol' Place Sweet Home...

2008-04-15T11:14:00.000-07:00

It's 2am. I sit in a trendy, Irish bar in Forest Park. Trendy and Irish are two words rarely found in the same sentence. I try to write, on a cocktail napkin, the next great American novel or script or even an award winning poem. Nothing comes. The drunk parolee', a few stools down, and his chola girlfriend have commandeered the juke box and now all it plays are U2 songs. All fucking night I have been listening to that filthy, cunt whine about what a bunch of bastards the English are. Jesus, I hate U2. I'm blocked because of it. I guess the homegirl must still have some sense of taste in music to compensate for her bad taste in men, because suddenly an old RHCP song comes on. There it is. Both of the worlds, past and present, old V and new V break away from each other as easily as the noise box changes the tune. I like the new V better. The blood pressure is lower, the anger subsides quicker and the words come easier. I chose the new V or better yet he chose me. But, now i face a great new dilemma. I am at the crossroads once again and the devil has not come to greet me. I must choose alone. No deals this time. It's for keeps and my decision will make or break me. Stay tuned.

CNN: A Broken Record Should be Smashed to Bits

2008-03-31T18:21:00.000-07:00

For Christ's sake, man! CNN has been relentless with the goddamn black, racist, preacher story for going on 3 weeks now. Even those shitty local networks have moved on to how Hillary is scraping by and can't even pay the health care insurance of her staffers. It's a non story. Let me say it again, IT'S A NON STORY! This is a prime example of how the media distorts information in an attempt to railroad someone. This is what they did to Howard Dean when he yelped on stage a few years back and it's what they did when a bunch of lowlifes tried to discredit Kerry's honorable service to this country. Except this time if blew up in their faces and no one cares. In fact, BO gave what is one of the best and most intelligent speeches on race relations in this country in years. I got sick of all the racist commentary being portrayed as intelligent discussion and wrote that bloated asshole and legendary wetback hunter, Lou Dobbs this note:

"Would you please move on! We get it, Lou. You and the rest of white America are terrified of having an angry black man running the country. I'm from Illinois and I assure you, Barack Obama is not going to send you back to Europe. Now why don't you and the rest of the paranoid Anglos on your network focus on something with substance. Hey, I know... we've just spent five years fighting one of the most unpopular wars in American history. Maybe that's newsworthy???"

The fact is, that the fifth anniversary of our illegal invasion of Iraq came and went and the media totally ignored it. The 4000th death in Iraq happened and the media ignored it! Instead, they showed a fearsome black man in Kente robes pounding a podium and damning this country to hell for it's negligence of duty and fear of the unexplainable. Do you want to know why black people are still angry at white America? I'm not going to tell you. Instead, you can just draw the same tired ass conclusions that Dobbs and the rest of those morons have come to. But, those of you who want to understand should read books like, "Buried in the Bitter Waters" or "Strength for the Fight". These books illustrate the hurdles put in place against blacks by a white majority, apartheid, government who condoned the systematic oppression of people of color for over a hundred years after the end of slavery (longer if you count the fiasco that was the aftermath of hurricane Katrina). The injustices didn't end with the emancipation proclamation so you'll have to excuse young and old black folk alike, if they don't feel like shuffling around, singing, "Don't Worry, Be Happy." The picture above illustrates the world that Jeremiah Wright was welcomed into. And Dobbs sits there rubbing his brow asking how can someone in that man's position be so angry??? Well, don't worry you dumb cracker, cuz when the meek inherit the earth, this November, we'll make sure to make it clear to you. You'll get to keep your precious gated communities and i promise you won't miss out on a single golf outing, but just don't expect forty acres and a mule.

Why Haven't They Written?

2008-03-24T13:12:00.001-07:00

Fucking Christ! It's like waiting to find out if my cock is going to fall off. I sent nine applications out and have only had one response in three months (fuck you too, Irvine. I heard you ain't shit, anyway). What are they fucking doing? They must be monitoring me to see at what point I will go completely insane. They are going to wait until I am apprehended by the fuzz for running naked through the park to tell me that I'm not accepted. Is this a good thing? It can't be bad, right? Maybe there are a room full of these professors sitting around around looking at my application and all the shit i had to send in and they are like, "Well, i think this deserves the best invitation to join our program ever! Send him an offer for a full scholarship including a weekly Thai massage and a pair of Gillian Anderson's pantys as a bonus." They won't take calls! They have pre-recorded messages saying I can go fuck myself if i think calling them is going to speed things up. Now I know how all those Mexican girls i dated felt (I'm sorry, Pepita). Goddamn it, man this is killing me. I have had to go and apply at Loyola because of this waiting bullshit. Loyola for fuck sake! They don't have much tolerance for atheist, secular, humanists at Catholic Universities. I swear if they make me take any religion classes I'm going to go postal. The good news is that the pope is so hard up to pay his lawyers and his victims, that he'll take just about anybody with a pen and a pulse. Fuck it. It's better than having to work. Besides, i can file my teeth for a couple of years and then try to apply to a PhD program with some juice.

Fuck Thomas Friedman.

2008-03-17T15:28:00.000-07:00

The idea that opening up global markets to free trade is not something new. I'm not an economist but, i understand that the Dutch were the true masters of of what is now called globalization. They spread the influence of their culture, became a world power and were true pimps of the C.R.E.A.M. world view of empire building. The great thing is that they did it without burning down villages or using artillery shells. I have not read Thomas Friedman's books. I admit it, but i am familiar with his essays in the New York Times, have seen him give numerous interviews and watched his PBS specials. So, take this with a grain of salt, but the dude is, in my humble opinion, another apologist for our brutal behavior and the pillaging of resources around the globe. His contention is that even the shittiest of countries can contribute to and gain from open markets. So, anyone with an internet connection can engage in the process of free enterprise and thereby make it big. Great idea if you don't live in a mud hut or shanty town. i keep hearing his name come up when these freaks come on FOX news trying to justify our imperialism. i have a great idea and you can print it up in the NYT if you like, free of charge. Lets leave everyone alone. Shut down all the hundreds of military bases, close off our markets, build a wall and curl up into the fetal position. That way we can do what the Dutch have been doing since the days of the English empire; avoiding the hatred of the world and stopping to smell the tulips every now and again. For an honest evaluation of Globalization crash the Lexus into an olive tree and go pick up a copy of Globalism: The New Market Ideology by Manfred Steger.

Brotha Can You Spare a Dime?

2008-03-17T14:34:00.000-07:00

I'm no economist and I don't understand half the shit I am reading about the banking crisis, the housing crisis, the deficit crisis and all the crisis' I am seeing played out before me on CNN. It appears that gas is ridiculously high, the price of bread, eggs and milk are skyrocketing and even whores are costing $8k a pop. I know one thing, white people are nervous. Not just any white people, rich, white people are nervous. This indicates to me, that the rest of us should be shitting our pants right about now. I have been unemployed for over a year now and yet on my wife's small salary as a psychology fellow we manage to live comfortably...so far. I sense, however, that my little "Lebowsky" lifestyle is coming to an end. If someone with a an IQ over 70 doesn't take charge of this country soon, I will have to cut my hair, grab a cup of latte in the morning and sit at a fucking cubicle like the rest of you slaves and that my friends is unacceptable! I knew and i suspect many other people, including the same nervous honkys i previously mentioned, knew that this was bound to happen. The current sad state of economic chaos is a direct result of the shit for brains approach to running a country. All of you supply-siders, all of you NAFTA junkies, all of you Regan groupies all of you de-regulation loving mother fuckers take note; This is YOUR FUCKING MESS! You are responsible for the collapse of America; not Bill Clinton, not Elliot Spitzer or Michael Moore or even that piece of shit now in the Oval Office, YOU! You packaged the lies, the pushed the propaganda and you sold it to the wholly stupid who didn't suspect your false motivations. You knew better and you only cared about you and and yours. This is the end result. Lincoln Steffans warned us over a hundred years ago, that we "deserve the type of government that we get". He was right then and he is right today. People, if you aren't pissed, you are asleep and like George Carlin says, they "call it the American dream because you have to be asleep to believe in it."
Stay frosty!

My Devil Dog Weekend

2008-03-10T09:58:00.001-07:00

My sweet, little, baby cousin is all grown up now. He is an active duty Marine (not one of those reserve pukes, thank god) at 29 Palms, CA. So, a short drive through the desert and voila, civilization returns in the form of Southern L.A.(not very civil at all, really). I took him on one of my famous tours of all the great South Bay sights including, Manhattan and Hermosa Beach, The Redondo Beach Pier and the whale watching station at Palos Verdes. I made Paella and showed him how to brew beer. I was a one man USO show. It was the least i could do to show appreciation for our people in uniform. Now, if only I could get the pentagon to stop dumping 12 billion a month into a shitty war no one wanted in the first place, i will have done my best for him and all his fellow Leather Necks. http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2008/03/10/studies-iraq-costs-us-1_n_90694.html

Leon is an Asshole

2008-03-10T09:39:00.000-07:00

The fucking thing won't come, won't warn me of danger, won't play with me, runs the other way when he sees me coming and wakes me up at 4am because he wants attention. He wouldn't even stand still for this foto; thats why it's all crooked and fuzzy. All that and I have to waste money feeding him. At this point I view him as an oversized, expensive squeeze toy for the chihuahua. Fucking, Leon you asshole! He is cute though.

Calling it Early...

2008-03-03T00:51:00.001-08:00

I know it's still early and all, but i will come out and say it. i have Barack Fever. I am having a Barackattack! Fuck it! So should you. Let's face it, the guy is the freshest thing to hit politics since Lincoln signed the emancipation proclamation. He is awesome and the first candidate in any race i have contributed time, money or effort to since Mike O'Connor and Joel Erickson ran for domination of the hearts and minds of Berwynites. Maybe many moons from now you will be mocking me for my decision to call it this early. Perhaps when I told my father-in-law, 4 years ago (yes, i was a Barack fan back then), that Barack could take it all (president), despite being a black man in a white man's world, I was wrong. And just maybe I have contracted a bit of the ol' jungle fever, but goddamn it, if there is one candidate of which it could be said, "things will change by his/her hand", then Barack is our candidate! Like Chomsky said of Clinton, Same wine, different bottle. Do you really think McCain will bring anything new to the table either?? It's all kabuki, kids! But. we have a chance now to wash away the sins of the world and make it all count. This is the man. This is the hour. His name is Barack Hussein Obama and he will lead us from the darkness and into the light. His name will resonate through the annals of history and the people will know that now and forever greatness can break through the evil of this world and bring change that will elevate the conscious of a nation. No longer will the world suffer through fear and pain. One person can bring change and unite mankind in a dance of destiny unlike no people in history have known! ONE NATION, ONE PEOPLE, ONE LEADER! HAIL BARACK!

Oscar in Da House

2008-02-25T17:59:00.001-08:00

Well, it's over now. The dust has settled and the stench of $30k a drop perfume is slowly dissipating, but the faint glow of glitter shows the path to immortality. Yes, that is the famous Kodak Theatre and yes that is I. And in my hands is the most sacred of books to all writers; the notebook. It is where history has been under construction for many years. It is full of brilliant thoughts and mindless rants fueled by alcohol. Yet it is the key to the shuttered doors behind me, the ticket to the limelight and a kiss on the cheek from Penelope Cruz. Speaking of hot Spaniards, I am so happy that Javier Bardem won best supporting actor. Anyone who has seen him in Love in the Age of Cholera, Before Night Falls or The Dancer Upstairs knows what an absolutely brilliant actor this guy is. I haven't seen No Country but I am certain he deserved that award. No if only someone will give the brotha a lead role I'm sure he could peg down that best actor and strike up a win for La Raza

Jacked In (Just Call Me Copper Top)

2008-02-24T14:39:00.001-08:00

DUDE!!!
Oh my god, it's a curse and a blessing! I haven't blogged or written anything in ages and it's all to blame on the 360. It is an awesome piece of space zombie technology for which America's numb and stoopid must give thanks for everyday. Forget the war, aids, debt, environment etc.. Give every home in the republic one of these little bad boys and access to all the games you want and you could run Bin Laden as a candidate in the next election and no one would notice. Fortunately, My mind is wired to jones for the low tech mediums, like a book, from time to time and I must break away from the rapid fire ones and zeros. If I can get past this next level of gears of war I might actually consider going for a walk. I think the chihuahua has gained 40 lbs and taken to shitting on his own bed, which wouldn't be a big deal except that he sleeps with me. XBOX FEVER. CATCH IT!!!

Nothing new

2008-01-07T00:58:00.000-08:00

But, it's raining like crazy this way. hasn't stopped raining in about four days. That doesn't stop an ex-Chicagoan. Shitty weather is my birth right. Gotta new Xbox 360 to keep me busy indoors. which is why i have a new list on the side for games. Just the 360 ones that is, to keep you all informed of my gaming habits. I hope your fingers are still crossed. I haven't heard anything back form my sKoolz yet but expect something soon. maybe. That is if they don't all think I suck ass.
Keep on truckin'
V.

Represent, Represent!!!!

2007-12-12T17:59:00.001-08:00

Lookit how long my hair is. Jesus, it's almost half way down my back! How do you like my gangsta biotch style? Thats LA for those of you who don't know how we be stackin up in this mutha fucka.
I'm so burnt out on this graduate application shit. i just wanna go back to playing my ps2. It's almost over. I've sent out around 10 applications. It's taken nearly a year to get this far and i only have 2 applications left to go. fuck I am tired of this. It better be worth it going to grad school. I swear to god if going to film school turns out to be a waste of time that could have been bypassed by bribing someone I'm going to lose it.

Lights, Camera, Action!!!

2007-12-08T15:17:00.001-08:00

My film as it was submitted to CalArts is done. Unfortunately, I cannot load it here or youtube since the limit is 100mb and my film is a little bigger. I'll figure something out. My applications are about 90% done and I have a couple more to go. So, again I will probably be on hiatus until the new year with the occasional post here and ther but don't expect to much from me as I am exhausted and have started playing BULLY on the PS2 which is kinda like doing heroin without the nodding off.

Scare the Shit Outta Me Whydontcha??

2007-11-02T18:36:00.000-07:00

Happy Belated Halloween! We had a good one. We celebrated Chino and Irina's B-day with all the kids we could find and nearly had to shut things down when the Dance Dance Revolution got to crazy. I went as a zombie, Irina as a witch and chino a pilot. His costume was cool but he refused to wear the GWB mask i was going to get him or the sign i was going to hang on him that reads "Mission not Accomplished." I shouldn't use my son to make political statements but, so what? Check back in a couple of weeks because i won't be writing anything until after Nov. 15th or so. That is the deadline for my applications to a couple of graduate programs. keep your fingers crossed for me. This time next year i will either be a Comparative Literature student at UC Riverside, a Screen writer at USC or a film student at Cal Arts!!!

LA IS BURNING!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2007-10-23T16:00:00.001-07:00

This is what the apocalypse tastes like. Jesus Christ, you can't walk outside without getting a lung full of darkness. I came outside and found my car had ash on it and the sky has been black for days now.
That was a week ago. The creepy thing is that I live far from where the wildfires are still burning. Though, i was @ Disney last week and it was pretty dark and you couldn't see very far South. It looks like things are getting better but, I hope they catch the low life who set the fires and stick a hot poker up his ass.

Ho's Gotta Eat Too!

2007-10-10T01:21:00.000-07:00

I was a big fan of Miami Ink on TLC so, when Kat got her own show I was like, totally rad and awesome dude! So, far the series hasn't been that great and the lack of friction between the people in the shop has given the whole thing that phony LA thing that nobody acknowledges and
everyone from these parts seems to embrace. Whatever! But, the zeppelin hit the control tower tonight as Jenna Jameson went in for a tat at the West Hollyweird shop on tonight's episode. First off, they introduced her as Jenna Jameson, entrepreneur. What a load of bullshit! She's a fucking porno whore. That's it! don't care if she made a million selling vibrating, silicone molds of her twat (she really did), she is a porn whore first and foremost. Look, I'm self-righteous and a total prick about alot of things but, I'm right on this. The bitch did what she had to do to get to where she is; I won't pass judgement, but I'll be damned if I just sit back and pretend she didn't make her money doing gangbangs and girl on girl shots. She got inked up with a quote from Joan of Arc, "I am not afraid, I was born for this." The whole time she was sitting there talking shit about how she conquered the corporate world by being a tough as nails, hardcore, business, cunt that fired people without mercy and took no prisoners in the boardroom. Bitch please! You know damn well you can't claw your way to the top laying on your back! Seriously though, I don't care if she made millions getting her every orifice stuffed, at least have the dignity to say, "I'm a ho and I made it by being a ho." Don't pretend that the years you spent with your feet in the air and the cameras rolling never existed; she must have lost her mind, at least the part that deals with memory . If Joan of Arc, which she claims to have studied extensively, were alive today I believe she would have willingly, thrown herself into a bonfire knowing that a woman was making $, not to survive but to be able to wear Jimmy Choo. And by the way, the picture is of Jenna when she was good looking. She now looks like that spice girl that married Becks, but with half her face chopped off "my main man" (bonus points if you know the reference). I still love Kat von D but, sweety, next time you have a phony in the hot seat make em' bleed real good or at least give them a tat of a penis with their name in the place of the shaft.

The Fuckers Hit Me Again!

2007-10-02T09:29:00.000-07:00

Jesus, what the fuck is going on with my hood? Now, my bike got stolen out of the rear carport! It was locked so those son's of bitches must have lifted the whole thing and taken it somewhere to cut the chain. I am so moving. When I can afford it. Maybe. If i can.
This is what happens when "Childrens" don't learn. I know the argument about cruel and unusual punishment and I believe in the constitution but, I don't understand what would be so wrong about maybe just taking a couple of fingers off of one of their hands. Fuck, even if it was their non-dominant one I'd be happy. You know, cut off the balls of a rapist, the fingers off a thief. If it were up to me we'd lobotomize half the hardened (violent) criminals in prison. Maybe it's a good thing it's not up to me.

I Just Kicked Some Ass, Now I'm Going To Disneyland!

2007-09-23T20:11:00.000-07:00

I spotted UFC fighting madman and freak of human nature, Chuck Lidell at Disney last Sunday. He had a huge mouse under his left (?) eye that was put there on Saturday night by

some dude named Keith Jardine, who supposedly shouldn't have beaten him, but did. "The Iceman", as he is called is now considering retirement at the age of 36. This guy looks like he could eat a barbed wire fence and crap out cuff links. He's real thin and gaunt looking, but you can see the sinews bursting out of his arms. It's kinda weird standing next to a human killing machine at the happiest place on earth. I didn't talk to him cuz, he's a really scary looking dude. The mohawk and the tats on his head made him hard to ignore, but when you see a guy that has clearly just been in a fist fight at Disney land, it's kinda hard to spend the rest of the day whistling zipadee doo da. It changed my mood entirely and I yelled at a bunch of 10 year old girls and their parents who were fucking around and bumped into me at the haunted mansion. I just wasn't in the mood to take any one's shit. Thankfully there weren't many tourists that day or i might have done something terrible. Thanks for ruining my fucking day, Chuck, you asshole.

More Proof of the Coming Apocalypse

2007-09-21T13:39:00.000-07:00

So, those of you who haven't seen this bore fest can now run out and rent it. The first movie by Robert Rodriguez, Planet Terror is actually pretty good and holds true to the grindhouse school of film making; a bit cheesy but fast paced, compelling and fun to watch. Tarantino's Death Proof is really boring until about the last 20 minutes and quite frankly I don't recall ever watching a grindhouse film, in my youth (and I watched plenty, cuz my father was an alcoholic and not very aware of the parental rating system), where the character dialogue was as rich, dramatic and well thought out as in this film. Seriously, people in those films didn't discuss the nature of relationships and get philosophical. They called each other cunts and yelled, "Hey! Let's go get those guys" alot.
In other news:
http://www.cnn.com/2007/SHOWBIZ/TV/09/21/leavebritneyalone.guy.ap/index.html?eref=rss_topstories
How the fuck did this idiot get taken seriously? We have lost our fucking minds in this country! I understand that everyone has something to say. I'm proof of it. But, for christ's sake all this douche bag did was tape himself crying over Brittany Spears and now CNN is profiling him. If that's all it takes I should be making Brad Pitt $ and adopting kids with Angelina. I'm not jealous; I just don't get how someone without talent, without any special ability or even good looks can get famous these days. We are truly desperate for entertainment and attention in this country. Oh yeah, CNN can go fuck themselves! In fact all American media outlets in this country can eat shit! Our country is asleep at the wheel and all these assholes can do is put the Brittany guy and OJ on the front page. What a bunch of bullshit!

She Had Better learn to Give Good Hed

2007-09-18T15:20:00.000-07:00

http://youtube.com/watch?v=lj3iNxZ8Dww
I know So. Carolina is not known for churning out Einsteins, but for christ's sake! She's gotta be dumber than Brittany Spears. Speaking of which, I think it's great that shes trying to have K-fed whacked. The hillbillyness of it all is too much for me. I'm serious when I say what this country needs is another Sherman's March to Sea.

Everytime I Get Out, They Drag Me Back In.

2007-09-13T18:40:00.000-07:00

I'm not going to get angry. I'm not going to get angry. Just let me say that the pathetic little fucks who did this to my window and stole my sirius satellite radio deserve to have their fucking fingers gnawed off by a wolverine. I hope their children are born without eyes and that their mother's diseased uterus's fall out so they can no longer contaminate this world with sick, weaklings who can't achieve anything through legitimate avenues and hard work. I hate your guts, you slimy, losers and I pray that one day people like you will be eradicated from the gene pool so that the rest of decent society can live peacefully and without burden having your shitty, miserable existence being felt. May god condemn you and the devil shove a hot poker up your ass for the rest of eternity, you low life, filthy, piece of shit!

AAhhhhhhh, i feel better now.

Even Turkeys Get a Break

2007-09-03T00:10:00.000-07:00

I really thought Bush would be the first president to murder a turkey on Thanksgiving, but apparently he is not even that big of a jag off to kill our nation's official Thanksgiving turkey. I

am happy to report that despite what conspiracy buffs might report on the net, the Turkeys are safe and chillin at Disneyland. Now, it is possible that these are not the actual turkeys but i am not the one to investigate the claims that we are being fooled by our government into believing that the Thanksgiving turkey is actually pardoned every year. In any case, I am happy for the turkeys living in this corral. They appear content, well fed and ignored by most everyone who walks past them. Maybe we can put the people that Dick Cheney wants to shoot in the face in a corral here also. By the way, if you have been enjoying this blog for awhile now, you might want to consider a small donation. The paypal link at the bottom works really nice and god knows I don't want to have to go out and get a real job. This turkey don't get fed for free.

Can't We All Just Get Along??

2007-08-25T13:22:00.000-07:00

It's not just any dog and cat. A Siamese, known to have the worst tempers known in the cat world and a Chihuahua, known for their nervous breakdowns and annoying yaps. No, I didn't have them sewn together this way. No, they are not sedated. They genuinely love each other. They play all night long and sleep together during the day. Sometimes the cat gives out a hiss or the dog an aggressive bark. Sometimes the cat eats the dog's food and sometimes the dog eats the cat's food. But, these two get along really nicely for arch enemies. Now, how do we conquer darkness and hate? Using Love or bullets? Following the way of the gun or the way of the housepet? If they can do it, why can't we all?
Gassho,
V.

The happiest place on the late great planet Urth!

2007-08-12T23:08:00.000-07:00

One day, after many great wars and our world has
been reborn from the ashes of nature's destructive
forces, a new civilization will come. They will find this planet was the home to an entire culture of cruel species that was bored beyond belief. However, they will come to understand that we knew how to party, because among the rubble and waste of our dead planet they will encounter a great temple where the people of this fallen world came to pray, give many alms and pay tribute to their omnipotent deity. Among those ruins they will discover a god mightier than any they have ever encountered. A god that, with the help of his big, orange dog and a lower god that took the form of a talking duck , used his powers to give the inhabitants of this wasted world the thing that they truly wanted. They did not seek enlightenment or a utopia. They wanted entertainment and that was the gift that this almighty and powerful rodent god gave to them. May the Mouse bless you and keep you safe.

Journey to the Temple of Hate

2007-08-05T23:52:00.000-07:00

If there is a dark center of greed and American buffoonery South Coast Plaza, in what is repulsively referred to as the "OC", is it. It is the place where $800 shoes are found in the bargain bin at Jimmy Choos and guys who look like Moby eagerly serve flutes of champagne to those who have wrists precious enough to wear the latest Movado time piece. The hoi-polloi are not welcome and the common man must pay $9 for a cup of joe if his kid needs to take a piss and won't make it to the other end of the mall, where the gamestop and the body shop are located.

I don't normally advocate violence against the rich (OK, maybe sometimes I do but only as a sport) but here is a little thought I had and it only applies to guys who sport man bags, wear jeans with flip flops and desecrate Rock and Roll by wearing retro Jimmy Hendrix or AC/DC shirts (any awesome Rock band, really); I would advocate the following punishment for their heinous profanity of "The Rock" which I doth hold sacred: The pain begins when we drive a long bolt through both ankles. We then attach a cable to the bolt and hang them upside down to a thorny tree. We smear honey on their phony runway Mohawks so that fire ants can crawl into their eyes, then we cut them down a couple of days later and toss whats left of them into a big burlap sack with a rabid hyena and throw them both off a bridge and into a fast moving river. I know, I know, I'm way to lenient on these filthy buggers, but I have read some Gandhi so, fuck it.

O.k. One more thing. Who buys an $8000 purse? I'll tell ya who. 3 types of of dumb asses buy $8000 purses; 1. the filthy rich. I mean Paris Hilton rich. They don't know poverty or struggle, have never had a need or want or wild desire that they couldn't have fullfilled with a phone call. 2. The noveau riche. Not just any noveau rich, the ghetto ass noveau rich; Kimora Simmons types who make disgusting amounts of bank and can't seem to remember the rough times and think that the good times will always last (they sure do don't they Hammer?). 3. This last type is the worst of the lot; I mean the lowest of the low; they are the broke 9 to 5ers that have a mortgage, a car they can't afford and a credit card with an $8000 limit. Shouldn't I have pity on these dummys? Absolutely not! Know why? Because, unlike the other 2 groups these people think they are better than their own kind. They equate happiness with the consumption of hogwash, pure bullshit and simple minded frivolity. They believe that the shit they own will fullfill a desire in them to be noticed and this is worse then anything Kimora the pothead or Paris the jailbird do, because if it weren't for these class traitors, "The Fabulous Life of ..." and "Cops" would be shows about how corporate criminals get arrested, and poor, black people get to watch the policemen who terrorize them go to jail, instead of being the foolish golden carrots that they wave in front of the great, distracted, unwashed, masses, who buy into the idea that everything is just fine and all we have to do is , buy, buy, buy!

Comi-con 07: Special Report

2007-07-29T22:44:00.000-07:00

From the sacred halls of the San Diego convention center there now emanates a smell of ass, old pizza boxes and melted plastic. This can only mean one thing; Comi-con is over and the geeks have returned to their parent's basements. A greater collection of obese, dorks could not be assembled if you purposefully crashed a cruise ship full of M.I.T. tech students into a summer camp for fat kids. You could count the collective number of used condoms used in one night stands this weekend on one hand, if you only had 3 fingers. Take the kid who pissed himself in grade school, the neighbor who constantly gives you unsolicited advice on building a better lawn and add the sexually frustrated boyfriend that your sister had to get a restraining order against and you've got Comi-con! I just happened to be in my favorite town of San Diego(fuck you! It was merely coincidence!) and i have done it all at least twice before so, fuck it! I gobbled up some eggs this morning and asked the English lady who sat next to me at breakfast to say, "You're going to marry a commoner? Never, I say." She just looked at me like i shit on her toast and tea and asked the waiter for another seat. So, off I went and it was a rough start considering the first dweebs i saw on the trolley were dressed as spidey and venom. A slap wouldn't have sufficed. I wore my head phones all day to avoid people. There is nothing worse than having a virgin initiate a conversation on the complexities of living on the green lantern's home world. Mostly, I stared at all the weirdos, though there were some cool costumes and a girl in green cos-play gave me a free hug. When I had to sit, I made sure it was next to a pretty girl (size 14 and under though rarely possible), cuz I'll be damned if I'm sitting next to some creep in a Gandalf outfit or a middle aged man in a Harry Potter t-shirt.
Top 5 random thoughts as a walked the floor:
1. " I swear to god I'm going to murder the cocksucker who invented pokemon."
2. " Jesus, that's Margot Kidder rummaging through that box of discounted toys. How the mighty have fallen."
3. "If my son ever comes home with a pair of little plastic wings sewn into a tunic I will take my own life."
4. "I never realized the importance of healthy semen until now."
5. "I bet a thermite reaction in this place would put a huge dent in ratings for "Lost" this coming season."
Alright, it wasn't all so bad. Aside from having a handicapped guy give me a dirty look (fuck him, I was shitting myself and his little scooter was too slow) and having a moron shake a felt tip marker till the ink went flying all over my arm, it was a good experience. I got tons of SWAG and i bought a cool book on writing horror stories and got a kit for painting dragons. So, I guess that geeks are OK in my book. I just consider myself really lucky i discovered pussy and beer in high school.

HEEEEEY, WE WANT SOME PUUUUUSSSAAAY

2007-07-14T13:19:00.000-07:00

My new cat. He is adorable. A blue eyed Siamese rescue kitten. The Chihuahua loves him, despite his arrogance. His name is Leon, but for the record that is short for Don Corleone. I spent the week in Monterrey Bay and some of you was hatin on me cuz of the picture I sent out. Hey, I can't help it if I'm a sucker for rubbing it in.
I am having production delays on my film. I still have a couple of scenes to shoot and one of my actors has flown the coup. Not to mention the problems with the editing software. But, I will persevere and this film will get made. I'm just not sure how yet????

Hooray for Hollywood!

2007-06-20T00:49:00.000-07:00

You are looking at 1 of only 2 production stills from my new movie project titled: Wood, Steel, Plastic. Once it is done and has been submitted to USC or CalArts or both for consideration of admission to film school, I will be posting it probably on You Tube. The shooting of the film is nearly completed and I have a few more scenes to shoot before editing can begin. That's my homie Henry and he was a real sport. We woke up real early a couple times and with the help of my buddy Shanks, we were out at the crack of dawn making movie magic on Hermosa Beach and slugging down Irish car bombs with Sean Young afterwards. What a treat! I'm in a better mood now that Paris Hilton is back behind bars. I certainly feel safer and would only feel evan safer if she were sharing a cell with Osama bin Butthole in a dark, secret CIA prison in Turkey. I have been caught up playing the XBOX 360, which Henry brought into town and now i must reignite the synapse in order to get back to reading and studying film. That should explain the stagnant state of my reading and viewing lists. But, truth be told that Dead Rising is the shit! Especially if you are as big a fan of horror movies as I am, especially the zombie ones. I played a bunch of other games on the system including a few first person shooters but, Dead Rising is awesome! Also, I was impressed by the system's speed and graphics. Nice stuff but, till the price drops below $200, including a hard drive and a game, Bill Gates can kiss my Cuban ass.

Justice is so hot!

2007-06-07T17:31:00.000-07:00

Pathetic, pathetic, pathetic! It makes me ill that this filthy, low-life, giggling, whore was released today. I have such little faith in the so-called justice system as it is and now this. This vile slut made a truckload of cash making fun of working class and poor people. She and her cohorts are responsible for the further decay of decent society and now her money and the influence of her family has once again proven that the rich and powerful go through this life with impunity. If you couldn't eat the food in prison you would starve and they would force feed you and send you to the prison psych ward for trying to starve yourself; They wouldn't fucking release you!!! I have had it with her and her stupid, fucking, spoiled, rich, whore, behavior and the way that it is constantly being enabled by t.v. viewers, her inbred family and now the fucking justice system. She deserves no less than to hang by the nipples from a light post and to have her corpse torn apart by rabid jackals. She has managed to serve 3 days of a 45 day sentence and they still gave her credit for 5(???). Fucking bullshit! It's not surprising; it's just aggravating to see this and though i've said it a hundred times here it is once again: There is no justice system in this country, only a prison industrial complex. Still think I'm talking out of my ass? Here ya go from a LA times article: "Superior Court Judge Michael T. Sauer sentenced Hilton to 45 days in jail after the 26-year-old multimillionaire repeatedly violated her probation on alcohol-related reckless driving charges by driving on a suspended license." Yes, you have read the stuff in bold correctly, she was already on probation! "Repeatedly violated!" She and her ilk always treat lady justice like a joke and ya know what? They are totally right! And, don't you dare get me started on Scooter Libby! the saddest part of all of this is that while we are being lulled into this bullshit, more important things are happening, like investigations into secret prisons; which incidentally I don't understand why they are investigating this in Europe instead of in the halls of congress! Oh Boy, what a sad state of affairs this country is. http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20070608/ap_on_re_eu/eu_cia_secret_prisons